a few months back, grace tagged me to play this "music shuffler" game. finally i have played the game. took a long time to crap up the reasons and a even longer time to make them sound sensible. yeapz. if u read any part you do not understand, pls. do not ask me. coz high chance is that i wudnt be able to explain to you either.

How are you feeling today?
Title: Don't Cha
Artiste: PussyCat Dolls
Bitchy? Haha..seriously, this is the only characteristic I can associate these girls with apart from sultry, which I dun think, or anyone for the matter of fact, would think I am. Haha. so maybe I am kinda like that today. Haha.

Will you get far in life?
Title: Seasons
Artisite: Ayumi Hamasaki
I cant interpret from the song since I hardly can understand what she is singing throughout the whole song. Only like the song for the music. Haha. I think it ought to be something abt love. So maybe with love I will go far? So cliché. Maybe with the love of family and friends I will go far. That perhaps will hold some truth. But anything else, I seriously doubt it.

How do your friends see you?
Title: Jie Mei
Artiste: Amei Cheung
Yay..finally a song that make sense. Yay..haha. "jie mei" in English means sister. So hope it is true that I am like a sister to them in a good way, not annoying. Haha..to all my sista out there..love y'all!! Peace out! hee..

Will you get married?
Title: Kiss From A Rose
Artiste: Seal
It's a love song..so what is the symbolism? The guy cannot get enough of the girl. And he thinks the girl's love is strange yet he is having a growing addiction on her. So I think he will eventually pop the question? So I will get married? Hey..does that mean I am the strange girl? Ugh..

What is your best friend's theme song?
Title: Sukidayo
Artiste: Sunday Girls
Actually I dun understand the qn at hand. Best fren theme song for wad? Hmm..so if u replace the love in this song, with friendship, it means that my best fren wud expect me to not forget her everday, and think of her everyday, and must say I love you to her everyday. Hmmm..not likely any of my best fren wud want me to that everyday..they may think I have fallen for them instead. Haha

What is the story of your life?
Title: Summer Loving
Artiste: John Travolta and Oliver Newton John
"I met a girl, crazy for me. I met a boy, cute as can be."
"it turned cold, that’s where it end"
So the story is that I will meet a boy that is cute in my eyes. And I will be the girl crazy for him. Well, okie. It is sensible. Since I have a weird definition for cute guys, I think I can find one quite easily. And the end, the two of us will break up because the relationship turned cold. Yet we will always reminisces those times we spent together. Actually, this song was taken from a soundtrack, and in the show, the relationship didn't turn cold but because the girl was going away hence the relationship ended. But she didn't go in the end and they ended up together nonetheless. So there is two versions. Choose your pick. The happier one for me or the one filled with angst. lol

What was high school like?
Title: Colours Of The Wind
Artiste: Vanessa Williams
This song is filled with a lot of philosophical questions. So high school was a time when I self-reflected a lot. Which is true btw.
"if you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you learn things you never knew, you never knew". Somehow, high school was something like that. Walk a mile in another's shoe once in the while, understanding the problems they face in life. Dun ask me how, it just felt like that.

How can you get ahead in life?
Title: Soak Up The Sun
Artiste: Sheryl Crow
Before this song can even be played, I feel it is gonna be tough to explain oredy. So err..i am gonna get ahead by soaking up the sun. k. I am gonna go for a sun tan tml.

What is the best thing about your friends?
Title: We Believe
Artiste: Good Charlotte
They believe in me. Whether I do it with my heart or with my mind, I noe they will be there for me. Sure there will be times we disagree, but I believe that if I ever do not heed their advice and fall, they will still catch me when I fall. Believe is one of the most important things in a friendship that is so often overlooked. But I think most of my friends have not overlooked this fundamental quality of believing in me. Hence that’s the best thing abt them.

What is in store for this weekend?
Title: Stupid Cupid
Artiste: Mandy Moore
Now is the weekend. And I determined not to be struck by cupid's love arrows. No. The only thing in store for my cupid is a holiday. A well deserved, long holiday and stay far away from me.

What song describes you?
Title: The Gift
Artiste: Blue
"And the gift is what you get by givin' more than you receive. And you're learnin' fast that maybe this is how you'll be happy. 'Cause in takin' everything you lost, the air you need to breath. But in givin' it away, you found the precious thing you seek."
This chorus speaks enough for me. It describes me because I think it is always impt to give more than receive because when I give, I feel I found the thing I have been looking for through the smiles and happiness of others.

To describe your grandparents?
Title: Have a nice day
Artiste: Bon Jovi
Yea yea..my grandparents are juz LIKE THAT! The starting of the song is "who are you to tell me if its black or white" and the chorus goes "if the world gets in my face, I say have a nice day!" They NEVER back down no matter what happens. I guess that is where I get my stubbornness. Imagine, my grandma injured her leg and she stills want to jaywalk..what does that tells you?

How is your life going?
Title: Dou Jiang You Tiao
Artiste: JJ Lin
I dunno what this song means. And I really cannot come up with any excuse, even if it is nonsense, for this song to be with relation to the qn. Can someone pls tell me instead? Err..okay..JJ Lin is confused in the song. Coz he doesn't noe what the girl is actually thinking of, as in, whether she likes him or not. So I am confused right not with life. True true.

What song will they play at your funeral?
Title: Perfect
Artiste: Simple Plan
A perfectionist will want a perfect song to be played at the deathbed. So the song PERFECT comes up. However, the opening sentence is "hey dad look at me, think back and talk to me. Did I grow up according to plan?"
I dun think I want my dad to look at me when I am dead and ask himself if I grew up according to plan. Dun think it is right that a parent shud bury their kid. Their only child. too tragic. But I wud wanna noe if I grew up according to plan.

How does the world see you?
Title: Catch Your Wave
Artiste: The Click Five
Does that mean I am moving too fast for the world to catch me? oOpS! Sorry Mr. World! Will try to slow down if you slow down Mr. Time for me. haha.
"hey girl I wanna catch your wave..hey girl I wanna drift away with you"
ooo..the world wanna drift away with me. I dun mind. Lol.

Will you have a happy life?
Title: Yi Shou Jian Dan De Ge
Artiste: Wang Lee Hom
This song is about keeping happiness. so if I write a simple song, I will be happy..haha.No la. I think this song is trying to tell me that if I do not think things so complicatedly or in complex forms and just focus on the simple things in life, I will lead a happy life. Of coz. Who wudnt be? But how often do you see pple doing that either?

What do your friends really think of you?
Title: Unbreakable
Artiste: Alicia KeysI dunno really whether to be happy or not that people see me as unbreakable. The people who appears to be the most unbreakable always tend to be the weakest. So hmm. But I think some do think I am unbreakable ba..haha..and truth is that maybe I am unbreakable afterall..like an boiled egg..hardened by the impacts of life.

Do people secretly lust after you?
Title: Heal The World
Artiste: Micheal Jackson
Great, the question is represented by a pedophile. He secretly lust after kids. So there shud be people who secretly lust after me. eww. I dun wanna crap more in this question. NEXT!

How can I make myself happy?
Title: This is my time
Artiste: Raven
Summarizing the whole song, it is a girl rising from her fall and becoming independent and realizing her dream. By trusting my heart, I can change things. Yes. I believe in myself and this will make me happy. Overcoming all these things, I will finally find my wings and know I am ready to fly.

What should you do with your life?
Title: At The Beginning
Artiste: Richard Marx and Donna Lewis
"Life is a road And I want to keep going Love is a river I wanna keep flowing Life is the road Now and forever Wonderful journey I'll be there When the world stops turning I'll be there When the storm is through In the end I wanna be standing At the beginning with you"
I wanna keep going on in life, no matter how hard it is gonna be, even when at times, I wanna break down, I will keep going. So that I can stand at the beginning with you. But I dunno who is the you?? Haha. I only noe I will keep going in life ba..to realize my dream. Maybe the "YOU" refers to my dream.

Will you ever have children?
Title: Year 3000
Artiste: Busted
Haha..yes I will have children. And my children will have children and they will have their children. How I know? Because a guy has came back from the year 3000 and told me that my "great great great grand daughter is pretty fine". Surely she isn’t a mermaid? haha. And I even noe that the pple will be living in under water in the year 3000. Goodness. I have a gorgeous descendant. Cheers to the world.

finally i finished it. yayz.

“Except for you”

She promised a few friends of mine that after she got this problem sorted out, the answer would be on her blog. She dunno exactly how much courage she have to put this letter up, but if anyone else is reading this now, it means the valor within her has finally risen.

At first, she tot it was going to be easy, juz writing out exactly what she is feeling at this point in time, at this moment. But she realized that such emotions weren’t exactly all that effortless to be phrased out in words after all. Maybe that’s the reason why so many people can say the words “I hate” but not the words “I love” and she is sure, many wud agree that unrequited love is even more tedious to spell it out.

She doesn’t deny; She isn’t only irritated, but she is also pissed off, indignant and betrayed by what she presumed ought to be her own stupidity. Yet she has never wanted to admit it. That it was her stupidity that caused all this mess. She chooses to live in her world of denial. The world that wud tell her, console her and envelop her with the falsehood that it is you who caused her this misery. Not herself.

Your words still ring in her head, all the time, esp. the words “except for you”. The irony of it all was that you didn’t say it to her. No. You said it to her friend. But she got to know it nonetheless and whenever the pain is overwhelming, she stubbornly chooses not to cry, but instead bury herself in her self-found truckload of work to do. She asked herself, what has become of her? The one who seeks to find the adrenaline rush of life? The one whom everyone knew as the girl with a goal, an ambition, and a drive in life? All of that, during that past months, has decomposed into this sloppy, dazed and silly girl with life-compass gone haywire. And because she is able to wear a mask to fool the world perfectly, no one knows the real depth of her true problems. Not even those she confided in.

But she cannot fool herself.

This morning she woke up with a new fiery within her. The fiery that she lost a few months back. She knew it was time to move on. She cannot keep wallowing in her misery and gloom. She was to take control of her life once again. A lot of things were waiting for her to be done. And so many people were awaiting her call to carry on with the stuff appointed to them to do. Yet, she had selfishly put all of these on hold because of her confused moments. You should be proud of yourself to be able to cause her to create havoc in her life. Seldom does she allow people to do that. She suppose she may never know if that was a real liking for you or perhaps a moment of folly, because if it was any real liking, the determination to get over you wudnt be so fast. And to choose to think of it as a moment of fetish or mania, cud be due to the pride soul within her. But nonetheless, she has fallen and she is rising. And most importantly, no one, no one will stop her now.

Being the strong believer that she is in star signs, her horoscope says for tomorrow,

Sunday, October 08, 2006
If you've been off doing your own thing lately, you might find yourself starting to experience a little self-doubt right now. You may be questioning whether or not you're on the right path, but it's probably too late to change direction. So just remember to keep your head pointed forward and do what you know is right.

She knew there and then, so long as she followed her mind, things would only get better and better. And with her friends, she will succeed.

I know that no matter how bad it hurts now, this may all become just a part of my faded memory in time to come.

yeapz..i suppose cheng en is right. i haven been updating my blog for eons. but i suppose i will start to from today onwards. anw, i have changed my blog layout, hope you guys like it :)
woke up to a rather gloomy start in the morning due to previous incidence. and somehow, it managed to affect my health. yeapz. oh wellz. maybe i will tok abt it in my next entry. for now, i am super sleepy now. turning in. good night :)

wierd things come along at wierd times. if we were to be able to plan when and how things happen, i suppose the things that happen wud not seem wierd to us any longer. like right now, i am suppose to be a good girl and do my I & R so that i wun hafta give that sheepish look to mrs lee tml morning. but i am here blogging. okie. maybe i will juz blog and contd to do my I & R LATER..
.
.
.
i have originally written a whole chunk of passage in place of the ". . ." but i deleted them away. because i simply cannot bear to share it with anyone and i dun wanna hafta think of the comments pple will give after reading. besides, this is not the first time i have deleted after writing an entry. so yepz.
i am starting to feel that there is no use of me trying to blog anymore. coz i am so conscious abt wad others will think of me after they read it. what is the point of writing things that are superficial? and wad is the point when you cannot actually say what you really feel abt someone or something without receiving any snide remarks from others?
what is the real point?
lets side track.
the other day, while i was going home, i was stoning while listening a song being played on Power 98. tot that song really suit me and the current situation i am in. but i cant think of that song now. and it is getting on my nerve. i can see the blue vein poppin at the side of my head.

there is so many stuff i wish i could put up on my blog. but yet limited by so many people and things around me. why is life always so difficult to comprehend? or maybe the prob is lies with me that i think too much into things. but i am rather certain that if i were to tell this to another friend, she or he wud prob agree that such stuff are best avoided on blogs as well. it doesnt take the brain to comprehend that one. so how shall i face it in a way that will make the world please with me and me pleased with the world?
someone please tell me.
the most ironic thing that can ever happen right now is that the person tells me how to tell the world.

life is indeed a mystery and the world is indeed small. today i went for a one-day physics crash course. met melinda there. both of us didnt noe that the other had actually signed up for the same tuition. so we had sat together and went a lil wild at times. haha..but the teacher was wild thruout the whole time. at first, i tot he was mental coz he kept slamming chairs into walls, pens against boards, dusters across rooms and markers against floor. then i sorta adapted to it after a while.
finally sent the script for the play on transvestite for my GP proj to my memb. so far, only grace replied. the rest are lost in eutopia. :/ lol.
0613 juz asked cynthia and me to go for chalet on the 08th to 10th of october. *squeals* so excited! i wanna go!! haha..i think it is so sweet of them to rmb us la..and we are only required to pay half the price of they are paying. cynthia and i feel a lil pai seh. a lil only. maybe we will pay the same as them? dunno...hope i can go. i told them see the promo outcome first. if i lost the battle halfway, i will join them spiritually.. ahaha. anw...whoo hoo! i wanna go chalet!

recently, it seems that everything is crashing down in my house. my camera spoilt, my camera battery is not working, my camera memory cards are all spoilt, my com is a lil nutty, my house phone is a lil jam (thank goodness for the spare phones!) and i simply cant wait to see which is the next thing to come crashin down... aniwaez, i had actually wanted to take a few shots of all the presents and lovely cards given by my relatives and friends for my birthday but well...as u can tell, the camera is basically under construction. so i will leave that till another day:) meantime, these are my lil notes of thanks to everyone out there for their lovely well wishes and gifts.
Family & Relatives:

1. daddy and mummy
i suppose there is really nothin betta than to have ur parents take time off their busy schedule to have dinner with you in a nice restaurant. yea. i think there is really nothin else to ask for. so thank you for spending time with me. Love you guys to bits.

2. my aunts
my aunts actually came together and gave me a pair of earrings..haha..looks like the coloured-stones earring from SK jewelry...my daddy says the earrings are bigger than my face..wads the point...bleaugh, he's juz jealous. anyways, i juz made my round of calling to my aunts to thank them for the gift. actually, to be honest, i am rather awkward when saying my thanks to them. not all though...juz some...esp my fourth aunt...ahaha..perhaps its the lack of interaction, i presume. juz now, when i called her, after rambling thru wadeva i had to say nervously, there was juz silence over the phone and i didnt even noe if it was okie to say good bye there and then. sigh. In the past, we use to have family gathering every Sunday at my grandma's hse. Now that the hse is sold and everything has changed, relationships have changed too. kinda miss those good ole days.

3. my cousin
However, I suppose despite all that is lost, one thing has perhaps improved and that is my kinship with one of my cousins..yupz. aniwaez, he got me a bookmark and a card this year...even got my third aunt to drive all the way to my hse to mail it personally. so adorable. my aunt even came up with a special printed postage of her own. haha. i suppose, my third aunt and this cousin of mine are the closest relatives i have compared to the rest. yea.

4. my 1st god brother and family
well i suppose this yr is a different yr. afterall, both of my god brothers are married so i suppose these are 2 of the relationship changes i will soon have to get used to. No more big cuddly soft toys or watches or wadeva it may be. my godma gave me a red packet instead..my 1st god bro brought me out for dinner with the rest of the family. 2nd god bro wasnt there as he was at his mother-in-law place.

Friends

1. The sms-es
lets start off with the sms-es. haha...okie..i admit. i am one of those desperate freaks that stay up past midnight juz to wait for my frenz to send me midnight smses, wishing me happy birthday. and the first to wish me this yr is CALLY! yay..haha...xiu xuan told me the next day in school that the dot-ka-dotz actually wanted to stay up and wish me happy birthday. but apparently most knocked off to bed even b4 the stroke of midnight. haha..aniwaez, it's the thought that counts. a special shout out to those who sms-ed: cally(0626), cynthia(0626), chin ping(0626), yun qian(OG23, O1), shi min(0626), phan shei(0626), audrey a.k.a small bao-zy(0626), charmaine tay(chij), julian(OGL of OG23, O1), marianne wong a.k.a ah wong(chij), carine(0626), chua(chij), geks(chij), leonard(0613), jacynth(chij), neetha(NYEDC), eileen(chij), sheena(OGL facil leader), angie(chij), kai ling(chij), cheng en(0626) & kimmy(chij).

and a special highlight to carine for being so sweet to send me happy birthday twice - one arnd the start of my birthday at 12:45:16 AM and another at the near end of my birthday at 9:13:43 PM. *hugs* love loads

to my ben / buddy: thanks for the virtual cake yea. i noe u cant bake but one thing is for sure - it is sweet enuff :)

2. 0626-ians

31st aug is actually teacher's day celebration but u guys actually stayed back to celebrate my birthday...even if it was a short while, it meant eternity. really appreciated it. and haha...for the fruit cake as well. My fridge was unable to store all 5 boxes of birthday cakes (for me) and teachers' day cake (for my mom) so haha...it was madness at my house the other day. We had a cake eating buffet.

cally, small bao-zy, chin ping and wingx:
thank you so so much for the paper crane. haha..cant believe i actually fell for wing yan's lie that it was for their teachers in their sec skool. i mean..cally and wing yan came for DIFF schools...y didnt i think of that?...hmmm...slow. anw, tot that was very sweet.
for your info, my dad and i are fighting over the bottle u guys gave me. coz he wants to use it when he jogs. and i want to use it for my own. we have decided to settle our dispute over betting on who will win the european cup soccer match betw. England and Macedonia. winner takes the bottle. hmmph...its mine to begin with. oh yea...and not forgetting the earrings...EARRINGS! thank goodness it is earrings. at least my dad cant wear them. shall hide it from my mom. Haha..suddenly, my house seem to be looking rather chaotic.
and ooo...the baby cranes are so cute la..haha seems such a waste to open them up. but den, if i dun, i will nvr get to see wad is written in there. dilemma dilemma.
and small bao-zy: thank you for the card and the small heart that glows. i hope it will be the same as our friendship ya...haha...i will give ya a big heart next time...lol

Dot-ka-dotz
ARGHHH! melinda designed a poster look-a-like on a vanguard sheet for me with the word "seventeen" written on it. I like that a lot...although I had a hard time lugging it home along with the crane.. haha..and attached along with it are the many well wishes from melinda herself, xiu xuan, cynthia, grace, adel and carine. All are such sweet letters..except a few nonsensical phrases here and there from adel and cynthia. thanks for all ur friendship u guys have given to me :) *frowns* cynthia...*squints eye*..u watch out...
cheng en gave hers seperately from the rest. haha..and can tell she spent a lot of time cuttin and trimming the border of her card. shall show u guys next time when the silly-goofy camera of mine is working.
haha...also received EARRINGS from dot-ka-dotz and another pair from grace. this birthday is a earring -receiving ceremony eh? haha...and also got a necklace from them as well. Really like that one...hope I can wear it soon. Wo de tian ar...when will that be manz..with all the exams flying here..nvm. come to the worst, I will wear it to the exam hall. Nothing will stop me...

and to those who wished me in school...err..like...samuel, ren jie, yee jin, henry, pt.. thanks for rmb:)

3. CHIJ sec school frenz
went to Thai express for lunch with kai ling, geks, chua, grace, ah wong and geok hian. my lunch is paid for. yea..that was a surprise. coz if i known it wud happen, i prob wud choose somewhere more expensive....i mean, cheaper. yea. so felt quite pai seh. Charmaine is still hilarious as usual. From wad I heard, she tot we were meeting on 1st September and had actually agreed to the whole plan only to realize last min when she was wishin me happy bdae that we were suppose to meet on 31st August instead. Haha...and she had late day. So she didnt come. Wad can I say, she is one busy woman.
After that, we went Kbox...and it was super duper wheepy whooper embarrassing coz they went to pick a birthday song and sang to me. And the waiter juz had to come in to refill our snacks there and den. Great. Goodness...that music video was so old to the extent that the people in the video had thick and clear plastic glasses and skirts were pulled above the waist. Yes...its the ah-go-go era. But overall, we had fun. Esp when we saw the MV by pan wei bo intro by chua...forget the title liaoz. I think it is something wad chilli wad curry...something like that. Everyone went high...whoo!

angie
Basically, that was how my birthday was spent. When I came home, I actually found a present from angie, who is also my 15th neighbour, and si ying. Yupz. Both were my pri school frenz. Tot it was so thoughtful of them. Later on around 11pm, I actually gave a call to angie and she came down to unwrap all the presents with me!! Haha..den at 11:30pm, her mom came to bring her up and we talked throughout the whole night on the phone till 2:30am. Haha. chatterboxes on red alert.

kai ling
Yea and before I forget, another shout-out to kai ling for baking cookies (for the first time) and trying to stuff them down the throat of my letter box. Need I tell everyone wad happen? She tried to shove 15 pieces of cookie wrapped in aluminum foil into the letter box and when she cudnt fit it in, she unwrapped, ate some, and wrapped up again till the cookies can fit into the letter box. Haha. and when the cookies dropped into the letter box, the wrapper actually gave way and the cookie made a mess in my letter box. Got quite a shock when I opened it. haha. but I tot that was very cute. Ahha..managed to salvage quite a few cookies and was able to give my two-cent worth to my shi-fu. Haha..anw, thanks load kai ling for that! *hugs*

k…this is the longest entry I have written in eons. But its worth it. shall take the pictures of the presents asap. Come to the worst, I will borrow camera..

love loads, hugs loads,
vanessa out

*sings* happpyyy Belated birrrthDAY toOOOOOOO MEEEEE!!! haPpy belated BIIRRRRTHDAY TOOOOOOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! *sings*

On Saturday night, as I juz came back from dinner with my parents, I turned on the tv and managed to catch a glimpse of the last few singers from the Spectaculars episode of the repeated telecast of the Singapore Idol. Personally, I tot it was indeed a waste to have matilda and now, nurul, to leave the competition. But nonetheless, I didn't vote. Actually, if u notice the pple arnd u, u will notice that those who actually appreciate the above two singers singing aren't exactly those people that will spend money on voting. And that is the reason they are out. And comparing them to people like Jonathan Leong and Joakim, whilst in their mind they may have a certain fear for these strong singers as they are being overthrowned by them everyday and any day of the competition, they shudnt worry the least bit. Why? Because the crowd they attract are the I-will-sms-for-you crowd. Simple. So wad is Singapore idol anw? Popularity vs. Talents? Though I wun exactly deny that this is also the scenario in American Idol...
However, what raised my awareness regardin this episode was actually the finale statement of the host Danielle Ong, and of coz, followed by the unnecessary echoes from Gurmit Singh. Pleas were sent out to the crowd as usual to vote for your fav. If u still want them in the competition. But after this plea was stacked by another plea. Please vote for talent! It was as if the host and judges had premonition that someone undeserving of the Singapore idol glory will be kept and a better competitor will be sent home. Which it did happen! So what is the cause of it? actually, I tot of a reason but I darent say out least I spark issues of controversy. It’s the R-word.
Also, I am amused by the fact that Singapore idol is actually considered as a family show...this was taken off a magazine I read recently. It stated that why wud someone want their children to speak like Gurmit singh when they grow up into young adults? Like just after the show commences, he will nvr fail to screech a draggin "WAZZZZZZZUP!" to the audience and followed by "SING-AH-PORE...SCRREEEeAAAAAAMMM!!"and the audience will just give a weak applause. Then he will gear himself up for the second request to scream even louder and sometimes, although the applause is actually audibly softer, he actually says "yea..that’s the way to kick off the show manzzz". Y'know what? I actually sorta am swayed by the reporter's argument. while Singapore govt stresses so much on the speaking perfect English, we have the judges speaking nonsensical comments, coupled with a few "ah", "umm", "errr" juz to make their advice even more difficult to comprehend. Hmmm..family show? U may want to reconsider again ya...MediaCorp? and I think if I were to come home one day with a Paul Twohill look-a-like hairstyle, my dad wud prob drop dead on the floor.

I was sitting on bus 235 on the way from after purchasing the goods for drama farewell on August 10, 2006. As I glanced wearily out of the window, I saw an elderly man dragging an umbrella, lugging along beside him a huge red plastic bag filled with random items. The world may see this elderly man and me as two different people living in different worlds apart. But for me, I feel a sense of closeness to this old man. We were living exactly like each other on this planet called Earth. Although the "me" that I portray to the world may be a vibrant, energetic and an insane girl livin a fast paced life in this modern world, deep down inside of me was exactly how this man is moving in life.
I continue to see him drag himself towards the traffic light. It was apparently green. But he still continued walking, as if subconsciously knowing that half of him was already dead..what mattered if the other physical part of him died along with the mental part? And as if he knew that life would not escape him just yet. The impending pungent smell of death had yet to arrive.
Traffic light turned red. Green man came out. Bus 235 stopped and patiently waited for this elderly man to cross the other half of the road.
Suddenly, he was no longer draggin his umbrella nor his feet. His pace gradually picked up speed and the umbrella was even lifted slightly above the ground. Distance that were originally covered within 20 steps were conquered within 13 and 13 steps that were originally covered within 20 seconds were conquered within 15 seconds. For a split second, I almost saw an image of myself flashed in front of me, replacing his. Yes. Without deadlines and expectations, I would have been like that old man, so unmotivated in life, so worn out by every trivial responsibility and event, so discouraged, so conquered and meaningless and ..
But like the old man, when he knew there were expectations from the bus driver and the passengers inside the bus to walk faster, he picked up his speed; similarly, when there are deadlines and expectations, small or overwhelming, I will give the last ounce of strength I have in me to overcome and meet the expected requirements if not more. Even then, the last ounce never really felt like it was the last. Whether voluntarily or reluctantly, it doesn’t matter. What mattered was that we both picked up speed.
From the corner of my eye, as the bus churned its engine and picked up speed, I vaguely saw him slowing down into the midst of darkness. He lost the livid fiery look in his eyes and it was back to the dull monotonous colour it used to convey. The colour I see reflected in the mirror.

this week is supposedly suppose to be a slack week for everyone...supposedly. however, with the so many wonderful piles of assignment and homework presented to us by the teachers, it is hardly close to the meaning of "slack" at all. i believe that adding up all the hw together will be more than the no. of hours of holiday we will have
tml is fundraising day in conjunction with the national day celebration. teacher says that 6hrs will be clocked for CIP . i suppose this is just one of the underhand tactics to deter students from the notion of pon-ing school tml. so by doing this, is the school celebrating national day, or CIP day? beats me. i mean if we come to school with a different objective in mind, we will head towards completing that particular objective and in the end, we will achieve a different objective from what the school hope we wud have.
recently, there has been talk abt blogs chatting abt me me and me. well, i suppose blogs are just one of the means that pple can vent out their frustrations so obviously it wud be abt them them them. i mean, y wud u wanna vent out other pple frustrations?
however, i SHALL try to comply for once, being the nice person i am, and talk abt something i am reading now. wait..that is still abt me. nvm. i still wanna tok abt i. women in society are becoming increasingly eccentric over the centuries, perhaps due to the increasing amount of radiation the brain has absorbed from the millions of technologies they encounter everyday. now, before any of u start accusing me of attacking my own gender, I HAVE PROOF okay??
an interview with a girl on the sunday newspaper stated that she hope she remains as bimbotic as she has always been becoz that is the only way to attract a guy's attention. and she is currently actually quite sad that she feels that she is gradually losing the air of bimbotism. man. i thought that was something to be cheerful abt. anyway, so izit true? is there an element of truth in her statement that bimbotic girls tend attract guys' attention simply by being bimbotic? is there simply NOTHING to the brain the guys are concern abt? wow. coz thats what she appears to be connoting thru that very interview.
oh yea, tml we will be going to sell flags. two pple to a tin. grace was a lil sad coz she wanted to do with me(aww, tot it was so sweet), which was wad we had planned earlier, the min the announcement was made. but in the end, it was decided to curb the guy-girl segregation for once and melinda paired a guy to a girl for the flag raising event. i think that is also fine with everyone too. my partner still doesnt noe who he is partnering tml. haha. but i am glad it is him. at least there will be something to crap, yak, bicker abt.

Today is a super duper wheepy whooper tiring day. In fact, this whole week had been a rather long week for I am sure, not only myself but as well as many others. And today, everything will come to a pause. A two day pause for which everyone will get ready, gear themselves up, to start afresh a new battle for next week. The good thing abt next week is that it is gonna be a short week. Yeapz. Coz its national day on Wednesday..and apparently there is gonna be a big who-ha in the school on Tuesday on some kinda fund raising for the geylang-toapayoh elderly care home or sumpthing like that. Hope I will get to sell flags. Really missed those days when I was still a guide and go round in the guides uniform and ask pple for donation. Even if it meant being snubbed by snobs and pple who think they were always so high and mighty, I suppose there is an element of fun in it. esp when ur other frenz oso experience the same thing and u guys come together at the end of the day, scolding all those who supposedly had an "attitude problem" and share the memories of receive BIG donation and meeting pretty pple. Haha.
Stayed in school until 7 plus for the meeting with MP specifically Mr. Teo Ser Luck and Dr. Muhammad Fashial (is that the correct spelling?)..my gawd..Mr. Teo was so cute la..oOps! yes yes. He is married. But he is really adorable la..heh heh. And becoz of that, the original depressed me who had been obligated to attend the extra meeting held for some of the student leaders by the similar MPs zoomed right after the meeting with all the student leaders and went to meet the MPs. Ahahaa..needless to say, I got his autograph. Shed a few excited tears and well..actually, it was leonard who helped me get his autograph coz I was TOO SHY to do so...*ahem* well..moving on.
Current health is rather bad. The flu is getting worse. The sore throat is becoming extremely unbearable. And the headache has begun playing its tribal drums, causing my whole head to throb. Great. I need to blow my nose..AGAIN!

hey hey...dun really have any thing to say right now...juz feel like adding a redundant entry to mr. bloggie. heh heh. listening to "superwoman" by cao ge now from my measly collection of chinese songs. its one of the nicest songs outta all the chinese songs i suppose. *smirks*
feel like a secretary right now after warming the com. armchair since 6:20 pm. sighs. so many admin stuff to handle and things to print and stuff to handle. i wish i was a real superwoman sometimes. den in a blink of a eye, a snap of a finger and *ARBISH!* tada!! and everything is completed. reality hurts.
PS: to audrey
Heh heh..OoPs! perhaps I really forgot to upload the pictures from yee jin and chin ping bdae. Never mind. FEAR NOT! I will try to get it uploaded asap yeapz. Need time ya..maybe when I upload it, I will let ya noe k?

it was only when i turned on my com. juz one min ago did i realise i haven actually gone online for one week. well, dis week was a wierd tiring week for me. things and incidents seem to manuoever their chronological order and clash all at the same time within one split second of the motionless equibrium of time. and dats when all my despair, frantic-ness and madness turn abt.
during gp tutorial, we learnt that bloggin is one of the way in which normal beings, regardless of their age group, gender or race are able to become journalist in their world. well, i suppose one thing that begs differ from the normal typical journalists is the fact that some of us will put how others view us as one of the priority when we write our entries. however, since i am a so-called journalist now, let me try put this entry in view of how others will think as well.
today, i have decided to put my entry in context of a story i cooked up myself. its abt bonding between siblings.
there was a family of five siblings and one day, the fourth child did something that made their mother really angry and she was really sad abt it. so the second child suggested all five siblings went to apologise to the mother for making her angry. however, the last child strongly rejected the idea. he felt that y shud he even bother say sorry when he didnt do anything wrong. to make things worse, he even scoffed at the idea of apologising together. the first child also felt that there was no reason to apologise for he think that if he apologise, it meant that he did something wrong which he felt he obviously didnt do. however, the third child felt that since they were all siblings, under the same family, they ought to learn to see mistakes committed by each other as mistakes committed by all five siblings. so hand-in-hand, the second, third and fourth sibling went to apologise to their mother. and of coz she was happy.
today, KA went to put the tile up in the grandstand. it was fun tryin to chisel the wall with holes and messin up the whole place. haha. and jokes spread abt that we shud juz go in and tell mr cheng that we dun wanna put the tiles up anymore. boy! aint he gonna have a fit when he see wad destruction we have done to the walls. li sin even commented wad wud we do if the skool collapse becoz of this wall we are chiselling. haha. well, i suppose, there is nothin we can actually do since we are in the building and we wud prob die together as well. and as for those remaining survivors, we cant really help or ans to our crime since we are alr. dead. yepz. haha.
in the morning, was rather down that there wud be no time to go joggin this evening since i wud be home rather late due to the proj. however, the KA pple kept forgetting to bring so many things down from the tile room tt ben and i had to keep walking to the room which is located at the opp. end of the grandstand and six flights of stairs. so i suppose i got my exercise after all. but i guess its wasted coz i ate char kway tiao for dinner. god help me.
oh yes..drama finally cleaned the disgusting place outta drama room and we cleared all the junk we had and threw them outta the room. currently it is dumped outside the corrider which i presume is pissing the SC pple big time. betta get it sold to the newspaper man soon in case they start coming down on me...esp ben..cannot stand it when he nag. my gawd, KA is filled with SC. i muz be wary. and while clearing, we found a whole bag of facial tissue that is supposedly supposed to be used for drama night / SYF. however, we didnt used all. so we decided to give the CNNY people since they were always on camera. HOWEVER, something disastrous cropped up! the facial tissue ARE EXPIRED! OH NO! dead.. a kind gesture of good will has led to an action deemed as cheeky and michievous. and since i am both of that, they WILL most prob think i did that on purpose. nvm. i apologised to lewis alr. good.
i hope chua and i will have time to go shoppin soon. there is so much i wanna tell her. if only time was still.

i realise that previous entry has managed to create an uprise in excitement in a certain being as seen from my guestbook...hmmm...well...i dunno wad to say...haha.. wonder how was her competition today?? maybe will go poke my nose into her business later. hee.
aniwaez, in case u guys didnt noe, kelsey will be having a BBQ in singapore in aug. she wrote it in the guestbook..in case u guys didnt notice...anione going? inform her k?
k...that was the advertising i was suppose to weeks ago. finally i am done.
hmmmz...recently i am havin a paranoid feeling whenever i open emails. perhaps it is due to the aftermath i experience a few weeks ago when one of my frenz actually sent me a email containing ghost pictures. yesh... i rmb myself jumping outta the chair and running out to the living room screaming. it took me quite a long while to recover too. good thing was that there were comedy shows to watch at that time so i manage to get my mind off the pictures. as u all can see, i am easily freaked out by such things. u can say i am nonsensical, my faith is not strong, i am silly...WADEVA...but! i will be very thankful if none of u will ever sent me such creepy emails. i am very sensitive when it concerns such issues. so please. i dun think i will look thru any of the remaining emails oredy. okay...maybe those sent by pple i trust like chua, kai ling, grace, changkity and so on.
just when to click a email with the caption "absolutelyfantasticpictures.ppt" and when the ppt finished downloading, my whole screen went pitch black and i...yes...freaked out AGAIN...without a moment of hesitation, i hit the ctrl-alt-delete button without even clicking to see the pictures. i think i saw something like mountains blowing up b4 the window closed down...hmm...fantastic?? okie...maybe for geography students.
how to overcome this paranoia?

today i finally went to make my new ez-link card and wasted $19/- on that pathetic plastic. sigh. i hope there will still be some money left in my lost ez-link card when i go and retrieve the cash next week. who knows? maybe that person who was cheapskate enuff to eye on my wallet with only $5 dollars in it went to McDonalds and used the balance in my card to splurge on the happy meal of somethin like that...that meano....
my arm is aching from the volleyball i played on thursday during P.E...i wonder with the rest of the girls' arm aching too? or izit only me?? maybe is due to the lack of arm muscles...maybe shud join petanque to gain the bulge..hmm...

today, i decided to juz take a day off from the hectic skool life and juz simply retire into the comforts of my sanctuary - my room. okay...i suppose its only half a day. but still i guess its still good. and only then did it suddenly dawn upon me that my room has turned into a junkyard..or wads the title of the story i learnt in sec skool lit..oh yes...THE WASTELAND. yes..and i am part of the waste.
so instead of a pleasant quiet relaxing afternoon, i mustered the last ounce of energy i had left in me and started packing the waste. and lets juz say that in a wasteland sometimes, u may just find metals that are able to be recycled and in my sanctuary, i found a part of me that seem to have been chucked aside forgotten over the years .
as i was cleaning out the whole closet and cupboards, missing pages that had fallen out from my diary, past diaries, vcds, novels and secretly penned down thoughts all resurfaced within the next one hour. call me a daydreamer but "romeo and juliet", "a walk to remember", "pride and prejudice" were once my favourite past-time novels and i could spent endless long hours pouring tears of joy, sadness, laughter over every single word the author articulate and anticipating the very next happening of the story. also, i found what was known to be a non-understandable novel - "to kill a mockingbird". haha. come to think of it, i rmb buying it along with pride and prejudice. i suppose it was under the spur of the moment when u suddenly feel that no english language can ever possibly put u down that made me bought it. and if i am not wrong, i stopped at page 15. maybe i will try to read it again now. hopefully, my english now will be able to at least let me understand till page 45. and then perhaps when i reach 20 yrs old den i contd readin till pg 100 and so on.
oh yea, and i actually had a queer habit of putting down the date and time i bought the books.
"pride and prejudice" & "to kill a mockingbird" was bought on the 17th of july, 1998; 4:30 pm.
"romeo and juliet" was bought on the 23rd of Dec, 2000; 10:00 am. (tts on my mummy's bdae)
its funny tt in sec 4, my eng teacher had actually shown the video on "pride and prejudice" british production, and i actually have no recollection at all that i read the book. talk abt ageing. i guess i will be the first to suffer from dementia.
and juz to think that i literally cried for 2 days continuously for two strangers that lived in different centuries and continent from me (romeo and juliet), and perhaps nvr existed, just make me speechless. i think i was a lil mad then, durin my childhood. but then again, i dun think i am any betta now.
throughout the whole afternoon, i had been wondering to myself: if i had loved this part of me, being the daydreamer that i am, why did i lose it in the first place? perhaps i realise that i didnt have the time to daydream anymore. perhaps i realise that i didn't want to daydream anymore. perhaps i didn't believe in it anymore...perhaps perhaps.but i suppose i will try to recycle that part now that i know where did i misplace it, coz i liked to daydream..haha...sounds stupid. its juz a nicer word for stoning. really.
ANYWAYZ, juz a tot:
"its the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance, It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes a chance it's the mind afraid of losing that never learns to give, and it's the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live."

Today was a super happening day. Lets list all the things that happen one by one.
Today was elections day. Being the usual me, I was the nervous wreck as I always am. But there are pple called frenz. So life was simpler, betta and less stressful. Oh..and I was running for the role of vice-presidency in my english drama club. So the interview came for me to enter into the room of 4-30. well, the seniors didn't really made it as stressful as I tot and they were all actually, fab. *thumbs up*
And the grueling part came when all of us were slouching, worn out by the qns that bombarded into our faces, impatiently and anxiously awaiting the verdict.
Yeapz.. I made it into ex-co. but I was elected to be the President of English drama club instead of vice-president, which I have fervently prayed for. Seems weird not to run for that role yet appointed to that responsibility. Actually, I haven't really been mentally prepared or mentally accepted the role of the President. But I suppose I will in due time. or at least I HAVE TO. Ben said he will be there to support me if I get over-stressed. Haha..lets see him try taking the brunt of my violent abuse. Lol. Somehow, some part of me is still suspiciously waiting for the expected phone call to tell me they have announced the wrong results. When that happens, be sure that the blog will be the first to announce the mistake.
Neetha is the Vice-President of English drama club *cheers* I presume I shall be working extremely close with her from now on. I think I am lucky to have a partner who worked with me thru SYF and Drama Night as my Vice-President. It sure beats anyone whom I hardly interact with. Hmm...perhaps on second tot, I think that based on the personality of the members in drama, I can work with everyone but I guess it juz boils down to a matter of time. coz some are new and I hardly have the time to tok to them. So for neetha and me, the priority to bond and have the chemistry to do things together is not so impt now coz we had so much time to bond when we went shopping for clothes and set for drama. Not to mention our endless complaints to each other when we are super tired. so we kinda noe each other's character well enuff to work with each other well. Yeapz.
Today I almost received one of the worst news of my life. But it didn't come. I guess it wud sooner or later. I betta think of an excuse to get out of it. I say excuse coz there is no reason. But I hope they wun ask. So I wun tell. And the matter will juz remain a mystery. Or they may have forgotten wad I told them in the first place so this may be a new news to them. Which is oso a good thing.
Or alternatively, they may rmb wad I said, but keep quiet or dun bother and leave me alone. Which is good too. I presume..
Bet no one in the entire world understand a single word they are reading.
Which is good as well.
Also, today I learnt somethings. Isn't it ironic that pple have the tendency to call others hypocrites and liars when they themselves have been like that at least ten times in that entire week? I mean the fact that u dun actually speak ur mind shows that u are a hypocrite...isnt it? Well, its nothing directly related to the happenings of today. Juz some actions by some people that unintentionally triggered the tot. Actually, I kinda admire those who dun care abt wad others think, even if it hurts, and juz speak their minds. I mean, how many can actually do that?

sigh...today is a sian sian day. there is so much for me to do..and yet i spent the whole morning and afternoon and prob night as well sitting in front of my com, sorting thru junk mails, emails, urgent mails that were sent on 1st june, and chain mails and even did some Q&A for carine and found out that chua and so so so many other people sent to me as well...and i almost wrote some of those names down on the Qn dat asked "who is the least likely person to sent the email back to u"..lucky didnt write their names down. if not SURE get suan wan...of coz they wun sent back to me...they sent me like in the month of june...sigh the worst is that sent that email accidentally to ben..my gawd...he will prob be thinking .."my buddy siao liao"...argh..forget it.
anyways, today is my buddy bdae. he prob wun see this entry aniwaez...BUT shall wish him a Happy Birthday on my blog. actually sent him a sms this morning liaoz. k...did my part. right which reminds me...i need to go errr...get a few things done for tomorrow. betta head on down to NTUC now...sigh. gotta get up from my comfy chair. i am so sian. i dun wanna do ANYTHING...geez...
btw, germany won. i told my dad to bet 3 -1 in favour of germany. he didnt believe my instincts...the woman instinct....TOO BAD...hhahaha...he cud have won..hope klose get his golden boot award..he is so awesome-ly cute...k...maybe not..but he is a good striker..
still love becks.

its really my fault really. thats the reason i guess why i didn't did wad i did for so long. and now, self discipline have finally succumb to my overwhelming curiousity. i tot it prevailed. i have only myself to blame. i even went to the archives. wad is wrong with me? i tot it is over.

its over.

and i dun want to speak of it every again.

i noe i promised to sleep. but i read something tt made me cudn't sleep again. i noe i will think of it again as i lay on my bed with my big yellow teddy..its my only comfort of the night.

i am a grumpy girl rite now cos i can't get any sleep and it is 12 : 28 am acc. to my monitor clock. plus there is school tml. ...actually, accurately sleeping...i mean accurately speaking, it shud be there is school today. i hope my pw grp implement power nap asap...i need it for tml...at first i tot of not sleeping and an insane part of me even tot of catching the football match at 3 am this morning. but after intensive calculations, i realised tt if i didn't sleep tonight, it means my (new) day supposedly started tonight..which my biological clock wud have recorded as morning. coz i slept at 3pm and woke up at 7 pm (as u can see, i have only myself to blame). den tml morning wud be seen as afternoon and afternoon as night. and the impt point to note is that, chem prac is in the afternoon...which means, since biologically it is night time for me, i wud need to sleep, tt means i am tired and tt means i wud be a high suspect or target for mr low. with that, i conclude i muz sleep tonight AT ALL COST...
chin ping said she shall sing lullaby for me to sleep. haha...dun think the song wud be effectively projected thru the msn. shall try a new method i innovated. recalling how physics teachers lecture in NYJC...that shud be an effective method. besides, it is cost effective, health effective (no pills) and efficiency rate is rather high. shall try it out..
today(ytd) is the last day of exams. the last paper i sat for was H1 econs. i tot i studied real hard for the exam. apparently i didn't understand much of wad was asked. not being paranoid (for once!) but is really dunno how to do. not that dunno whether got the correct analysis or not..is dunno the fundamentality of analysis. so maybe i am juz not cut out for econs. perhaps i shud have gone with passion and not instincts and take literature instead. after all, havent everyone often say..."passion is the driving force to success". yet there is a saying "women's instincts are the strongest."
self conflicting statements indeed.

OH SHUT UP! ITS ENOUGH ALREADY!
recently, the "ancient" and "old" and "retired" fuddy duddies of england football have caught the best traits of singaporean's culture - COMPLAIN-ism. since the whole world cup thing started, there have been endless talks abt how beckham ought not to be playing in the top eleven. well..although i am a personally big fan of becks which makes me stand in a bias light no matter how much i wish to prove to u guys that i will be impartial, here is my two cents worth.
in the first place, how can u ever expect anyone to be excellent in everything he does? try figuring Einstein designing a dress for victoria secret models...i admit becks aint exactly good at tackling the ball or defending...but he is good at aiming the ball directly towards his players..and that is IMPORTANT...thats wad won him the MAN of the Match against trinidad! and who dare say his free kicks aint deadly?
and the old fuddy duddies mentioned that the players are not at their top form. my gawd. under a temp. of 31 C. , whoever can play under the sun for that long a time...pls step up and show me how u do that for 90 ++ mins. running up and down ..i wanna watch a miracle. the only reason why these ancient footballers dun understand the pain is becoz they used to play their ancient football at night...football has changed to day time now in case ur failing eyesights cudn't capture the sunlight. grrr
also, if u are playing for ur country under the eyes of the world, wudn't u be sufficiently stressed up by the constant media coverage on u and everything u do on and off the pitch? but the senior citizens had apparently too forgot how it felt like to play like that under billions of watchful eyes and they had to add comments that beckham aint doin well. right. he aint in his top form. i can see that from the many performances i watched him play. but alas, u cannot expect him to show u his skill if the ball constantly travels on the left hand side of the pitch and he is suppose to guard the right hand side..make sense? i noe i do. and he is tryin his best. the only reason he aint doing as well as he like...is becoz of these additional stress added on him. i think in such trying time, they shud have given their full support regardless of wadeva.
but i guess all these is coming to a stop now since england lost to portugal thru penalty kicks. during the match, becks got subst by lennon due to leg injury. he cried not becoz the leg hurt. he cried coz he didn't wanted to be subst. he even motioned to the england coach dat he was fine and gave a thumbs up. but he got subst anw. he cried. i sobbed...okay...i wailed. happy? den christiano ronaldo played dirty. he knew rooney had a bad temper and purposely when to agitate him when rooney accidentally fouled a player. rooney on the other hand was dumb enuff to fall for such a non-idiot proof trap. got sent out of the pitch with a red card. hence i hereby conclude an equation i have been long dying to proof to the world, that is,

stupidity kills

actually, the ref is darn bias la...coz he is an argentinian. and england went to war once with argentina. ugh. politics in sports. but thats not the pt. the pt is it was also this ref that sent beckham out with a red card last tournament. i knew it was gonna happen before the game begun. i dunno whether to feel happy or sad i am right...i might gleefully added one more point. so far, the reason why rooney hasn't been gettin into trouble is becoz beckham has been there to pull him away from the disaster he is abt to get himself into. so did i unintentionally increased an extra point for the usefulness of beckham's presence? wait. there will be more to come.
it all ended with the penalty kicks of 1/5 penalty scored for england and 3/5 for portugal. 1/5? 1 out of 5? this wud not have happened if rooney had not been sent out and beckham had been playing. which MAY have levelled it to 3/5. but well...wads done cannot be undone. let the ancient monuments of england footballers mourn for the loss of england. or maybe shud reflect, if they have any brain left in them, if they had played a part in the loss. nah...dey wudn't do such a intelligent thing. they wud probably prepare their speech now on how sven (england coach) shud not have put becks in in the first place. actually, i dunno why i am feeling so upset for. this is the exact ending i wanted. i wanted england to take beck out. see how the rest made perfect clowns outta themselves with aiming the ball towards their opponents and scoring 1/5 goals. i want the world to noe..its not time for becks to step down yet. he may not be in his top form. but his talent is still indispensable. so in the end, ferdinand cried as well and beckham comforted him. two of my fav. players crying. sigh. even victoria becks was cryin. though i didn't noe she knew abt football. hmmmmz..hey juz tot of something. victoria is close buds with rooney's gf and in this match, when victoria's husband gets off the pitch, so does rooney. both of reluctant cases. haha...guess this is called "standing together thru thick and thin".
to be honest, i like christiano ronaldo (dos santo aveiro) alot. but i am really dissapointed with him in this tactical play against his own club teammate - rooney. it aint right. worst of all is that rooney is an england boy and christiano aint. but both are playing for man utd, a british club. i fear he may get thrashed like a pulp in the locker room by rooney and perhaps others when he return back from germany. wad else can i say apart from "may God have pity on you"?

today is the first day of examination. general paper. i can gradually feel its effect taking upon me. its always the same few steps. first i see the qn, second i get stumped, third i panic, next i scramble to recollect my tots and alas, i have to rush thru.
sigh. i studied so hard for sports topic and not a single pathetic one came out. nvm. at least i cud write some words out from my pen during the exam regarding the topic i chosen. but whether it is crap or not, i dare not ponder.
den the comprehension. sigh. nvm. dun wanna dwell.
actually i didn't really noe how to decribe the overall performance at all..i mean after the exam, i wud like noe like oh..."aiya...die la"...or like "hmm..errr" ...or like at least "i got to finish it" (happened only for Social Studies and the higher chinese paper)
i think i shud classify this under the "hmm..err" category.
i tot i looked okay with my hair pushed up with hairbands today. apparently not to the others i guess. or only a few. was paranoid abt it for two mins then i decided to juz forget it. its time i do things i like for once.

1 BAD THING THAT HAPPENED THIS WEEK
I LENT MY COUSIN PLAY WITH MY PHONE..yeapz...and he decided to fiddle-doodle a little and sent stupid stuff to practically HALF of my contact list...so if U...anyone happen to receive any stupid sms from me to you...IT IS NOT ME! okay?! get the POINT!! it is NOT ME!! period. i was in malaysia la...though stuck in the hotel rm watching soccer with my laptop..but i did give permission in the end to allow him to send juz a few more to chua, charmaine and kai ling and basically the CHIJ girls..oh and pui yoke..hee...but the rest...i dunno who got it...so ya..sorry k. this is the main purpose of this entry. yupz. tryin to clear a lil up...but i have to admit..the joke was quite funny...haha..TO A CERTAIN EXTENT...but the humor stops when the sms was sent to the drama president and vice president...i wonder did he send to any teachers...oh man..that tot juz crossed my puny brain

*PS. actually this was suppose to be published into the previous entry. however, the smart me forgot that my background is black now (actually the previous template is oso black) and i changed the font colour to black. so obviously u all cudn't see ANYTHING..i am damn smart.

5 GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED THIS WEEK
1. BECKHAM is made the man of the match for the TRINIDAD vs. ENGLAND match (anyone who knows me well enuff will noe how impt this fact is to me:) )
2. ENGLAND is at the top of their group beating SWEDEN.
3. CHRISTIANO RONALDO scored! need i say anymore?
4. PORTUGAL won...yea...obvious in pt. 3...but it is more of the point that i will get to see C.R. more..lol
5. BRAZIL is in the winning streak too....means more of RONALDINHO...yes.yes.yes.yes

yes...the weight issue is BACK again to haunt our pathetic lives. i think that it is quite sad that everyone is saying that ronaldo is overweight. i mean NOT christiano ronaldo (he is like super hot la!). but the one in brazil. yea..i mean...can u imagine..u are like playing ur heart out for ur country and all the world do is to keep saying u are fat...oh manz. actually, i dun find him overweight. but after everyone arnd me keep saying that...i am starting to presume there is something wrong with my eyes. haha..still it is not right to keep targetting him la..besides, this is his last WORLD CUP...cant u let him leave with glory??
and the other day, becks family actually came to support him during the match against trinidad. and de newspaper commented abt how much victoria beckham actually paid to hire a private jet (approx 60,000 pounds) to reach germany and watch him play. i mean...yea..i noe the sum is big. its like enuff to sustain me till my late 40s . but the point is that they cant help it if they are rich ya? i mean...for goodness sake, becks earning per game is twice the sum of the private jet! ahaha...i bet u didnt noe tt... oh yea..did i mention? they called becks sister "fat ham"...pls tell me is this mean? or am i being over-sensitive regardin this issue? sigh..sad

well well...with the world cup heating up, i dun really expect myself to get much sleep anymore. in fact, i only got two hours of sleep since last night...or shud i say this morning at 5:00am and woke up at eight....wait ..that is 3 hrs...k. my folly.. but..nonetheless, my staying up did not go to waste cos...BRAZIL WON 1 - 0 against croatia..*nodz*..a guy name KAKA scored it...whoo...i heard his girlfrien is a model..heh heh..and she is darn gorgeous. (click link to see her photo : http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0Je5xb2QpBE0yQBhMujzbkF;_ylu=X3oDMTA4NDgyNWN0BHNlYwNwcm9m/SIG=12c56fl9v/EXP=1150391414/**http%3a//x05.xanga.com/5fbb06322273227977043/b19649901.jpg
her is caroline cecilo if i am not wrong. shall tell ah wong that later..haha AND i also realised that i did not watch the game played by portugal on sunday...ARGH!...there was apparently coverage of christiano ronaldo on news 5 the other night regarding the match. NEARLY broke into tears. how can i ever forget. and the match commenced at 3 am. and i slept at 2 am. BAH! and my dad didn't even bother telling me...sigh... okiez. tonight i have absolutely no intention of watching ANY of the match coz i NEED sleep and heh heh, the PLUS PLUS factor is that ENGLAND is gonna play tml. so i need to build up sleep and conserve energy to stay up late tml night. muahaha.. today i was taking a train to novena and while i was squashed amidst the morning rush hour, i saw all the tired faces of the office workers with the eye bags. haha. i am glad i take after my father genes...we dun get eye bags no matter how late or how little we sleep. whoo hooo.. but the voice change..and mine is quite pitchy now.

*grumble grumble* why muz i change my blog layout...its so troublesome to have to find a nice looking layout and i tot this was quite cute..yea...and it aint THAT long eh? and u still have to transfer EVERYTHING over...its because of this layout that caused me to lose all my contacts in the first place...no no..i wun change..unless..someone will provide me THEIR links..i might consider :) thx kai ling...silence is consent. (btw, u cant ans. coz there is no question..its a statement. get it? hee..nvm if u dun..juz let me copy ur contacts) good..den audrey wun nag too..good good.
YES! ENGLAND WON THE FIRST MATCH! MUAHAHAHAHA...ferdinand, beckham and lampard are still as hot as ever la...oh yea...and their playing for this game was not bad either. but the ref is seriously bias la...coz the opponent is a south american team and i checked...the REFEREE IS OSO FROM SOUTH AMERICA...i noe there is a rule that u cannot have a ref from the same country...they shud make the rule that no ref is allowed to referee the game so long as the team is from the same continent. that shud be fairer. and poor crouch (one of the england striker) he kept being targetted by the bias ref. lucky that *toot* *TOOOT* *toot* didn't try to be FARNIE arnd beckham..argh..nvm. he's prob gonna be assasinated by the england fans anyhow. imagine..even under bias circumstances, ENGLAND managed to fight their way to VICTORY. shows their strength..haha. stupid ref...nanny nanny poo poo.. insufferable...

MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE
to kelsey: omg hi KELSEY WONG!! argh! its been so long since i last heard from u lar! how are things going on there? have u developed an accent? haha or are u still as crappy as ever! muahaha..miss u and all ur nonsense. will always rmb u as the exam buddy manz! coz u nvr fail to add on to my stress during those studying periods with ur incessant talking and more talking with ..oh yes..that elsie doong! haha.my idol..whoohoo..as u can see..i am still the same me..haha..hope u will get to reach this msg..(^_^)..miss ya...LOADS! haha..oh yea! i hope u have managed to catch X MEN oredy..chua and i went to watch it juz yesterday!

end of msg

yeapz.. that is juz one of my crazy frenz from IJ TP..gone to a faraway land...and has kindly visited this musuem...so sweet.
haha.. i have finally managed to watch my X MEN! YEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!! storm is soo cooool! haha..she is always cool and cyclops is still so romantic...haha the irony was that he died under the one he wud die for..get it? he loved her so much he is willing to sacrifice his life for her..but she killed him in the end. yeapz..and in the end she got killed by another guy who is willing to die for her as well..oh wellz..tok abt irony..
dere was A LOT of death in the whole story but somehow, prof. X was one of them...which made chua cried. haha..it was damn sad lar..i teared a drop or two. haha..but chua was seriously depressed. i think i wud have bawled if storm died instead. BUT ALAS! of coz..good things ought NEVER to come to an end..coz X MEN IV is still coming ..hence at the end of the movie, they showed PROF X lying in the hospital bed and when the nurse walked in, he greeted her and she was so shocked. so that means there is part four and that means MORE OF STORM! WHOOOHOOO!!..yes yes yes yes...haha..i think X MEN, LORD OF THE RINGS, STAR WARS are the only three movies that i wud even bother chasing after their sequels. okay..and any movies starring matt damon. no question abt that.

ARGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! as the days goes by, i am slowly driven mad by the torturing fact that i haveb watched X-MEN III yet when the entire planet have watched it oredy. i mean, not that i have asked the entire planet or anything..but ya..u get the point. i bet if this show is starred in other planets, the aliens wud have oso watched it by now. yet i dunno when will i ever get to watch. sigh. first it was the busy schedule..den it was the sleepover for chua.. den i was sick..and now...the only excuse i can take comfort in is that i am STILL sick and need time to recuperate. bo hoo hoo.. i wanna watch X MEN! U HEARD ME CHUA??!!! ME WANNA WATCH X MEN...NOW!
aniwaez, i think that the only reason why humans will try their very best to prevent this show from starring in other planets is becoz we are afraid that the aliens will be inspired by that excellent show and try to go to war with us as well..coz we keep poking our noses into their lives...sending rockets and wadeva over. hahaha..
aniwaez, i realise that i have been falling ill VERY often this yr. isit the fengshui? or izit becoz i haven been falling ill as often as i ought to for the past few yrs so now the diseases are all catching up on me due to my increasing age..(ugh..yes..i am ageing)..but i tot falling ill is like sleeping..once u miss ur chance to fall ill..u cannot grab it back..argh...i am not making sense.
Toy Story is hilarious...the commercial is over. i gonna watch..cya!
PS (to chua): my blog long long ago no tagboard liaoz. this shows how long u nvr visit my blog..my dearest good fren(-_-")...i noe my blog is ancient..but even musuems ought to attract a decent no. of viewers k..so as a good friend..pls be a loyal visitor to THIS Musuem! XD

yepz the june hols is here. although everyone of us students noe that these hols is juz "holiday" for the name sake coz we still have to go back to school...attend some junk called "holiday lectures and tutorials" and do some garbage called 'holiday assignments" and so on, i am still super-duper-yipppeeee-duper glad tat the hols are here. in the beginning of the week, i managed to get only six hours of sleep within two days. and now, i got 20 hrs of sleep within two days. and i think i overslept. coz i am very tired. *yawnz* well..call me a pig if u want to. but i am really tired.
plus. i sprained my ankle. well done. that was one of the horrid things that happened to me this week. i think 3 bad things happened to me this week. well, all bad things have to come to an end. at least i hope. i actually smsed chua that i was very sad and when she reply "why?!" i was very busy at that moment. so i didn't reply in the end. i think i shall call her soon. and disturb her...muahahaa
ooo...there is gonna be BBQ tml with my OGLs. sooo exciting...i hope my leg is betta by then. i muz muz rmb to bring my camera this time.
and i juz check the guesbook and saw some retard wrote there 'teen sex'. well done. i haven reached that stage where i need to go to such websites to de-stress myself yet. if i need to, i will let u (the retard) noe k? den u can prob show me other links as well.
k. going off. i wanna watch x-men. soon. when? i dunno.

"do what you want unto others as you want others to do unto you"

this is one of the most prominent phrases from the Catholic world for me and i have often used this theory to judge my actions. if others have done it to me before, then i think it shud be alritey to do it back to them unless it is like immoral like backstabbing or murder (which i wil probably be dead aniweaz) or sumpthin like that. however, this theory has been proven wrong recently.
1. people do unto others what they do not want others to do unto them
2. if others do that to you, it does not mean they will accept it if you return them the very same action, even if the action is less impactful. it might not be condone.
so this theory, as for the contemporary world today, is wrong. maybe in the past, this theory still exist. i guess i am still an old fashion for the biblical stuff.
therefore, becoz of this upset in the balance of the equaton

you do to others = others do to you

the world is so much very unfair now. therefore, i think wing yan and carine is right. we shud all stop holding grudges against people. I SHUD STOP AS WELL. if u hold grudges, well, there is simply too many to hold and it is very tiring. besides, the thought that there are more to come in the future will simply turns you off abt holding grudges. too many grudges, too little storage space in the brain. maybe if there is a win zip for the brain one day, or the thumb drive, then wud i think there may be KB to store one or two grudges.

therefore, next time, if becoz u read something abt someone who have said sumthing concerning or not concerning you that u aint happy abt, dun hold the grudge. juz laugh it off and who knows? that person may juz turn out to be one of ur greatest frenz on earth! its true. it happened for me. she is greatest pal of mine now. for all u know, the person, by writing, is only trying to releasing his/her grudge. which is good. and u go pick up the grudge he/she release..isnt that downright dumb? yupz..thats juz my food for thought.

dun blame me.

i am only trying to release a grudge.

a grudge abt the world.

okiex...i have seriously no mood of updating my links ever since i deleted them all away. too bad. i am so tired i barely have strength to type. haha..but seriously, i am freakin worn out. in fact, i almost woke up late for today's pw lesson. and i hafta rush out the maths solution before grace comes back with hers. i am so so so so so so disorganised. and i tot i shall do the work PT told me to do but apparently, the file have not been sent so well..i will wait.
oh yes. and i finally bought my mother's day gift with wing yan. haha...she is those kinda mother's darling girl so i think wadeva she thinks is nice shud be good for my mom. yes. actually, i quite like it too. i didn't choose the pink coin pouch though. i chose the beige on instead. :)
i keep thinking of tonight's show i am gonna watch with my mom. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III. now..pls dun get the wrong idea. I DUN LIKE TOM CRUISE, IN FACT, I CAN SAFELY SAY THAT HE HAS NEVER FAILED TO MAKE INTO THE TOP 5 MOST HORRID-WOOD ACTORS. and it is no exception this year. but i lurve the show he is starring. dun ask me why..i cannot even ans that question myself. actually, i think he has a lot of nice shows to act for such an undeserving, male egoistic actor like him..but oh wellz..THE LAST SAMURAI is also my fav show. sigh.

0626 BBQ '06 juz ended 2 hrs ago. though it had been rainin the whole day, and stupid showers during the party itself, nothing really spoilt our fun. come to think of it, i didnt exactly eat at all coz i was too busy with the camera. took in a plate of bee hoon juz now. yupz..dinner at 11:30pm..haha..
i guess it is the case for everything class whether u are in secondary skool or JC, Raffles or Nanyang..when u have BBQ, u always tend to 'overbuy'. it happened for 4/2 '06 chalet...and it happened today. guess who took the rest home?? yupz..grace and me. but grace took the chips and i took the drinks. so much sugar. sure put on weight one..then sigh i am so irritated abt that. actually, i hate people to comment abt my appearance yet i keep asking them abt it..wads the pt? i think i allow my close frenz to tell me...provided i ask. am i a wierdo??
haha and after most went home after the BBQ, shi min, henry, phan shei n grace came to my hse for a drink. henry commented my hse was big...whoo hooo..wonder wad he will say if he goes to a bungalow, or a terrace, or a semi-D.. to be honest, i can never decipher the diff betw the 3 of them. i think i ever heard my daddy mention abt semi D having a lawn and terrace not having one. but terrace sounds so much grander...*scratch head*
also, shi min says that my hse gave him a feeling that he is finally home oredy..haha.. cool..how often do u get pple saying that? haha and that worried phan shei coz both are scholars and they needed to reach back to the hostel by 11:00 and it was oredy 10:30 pm. aniwaez, and the boys tot my rm got too many toys..say i cannot grow up. thankfully when they said that, it was when there were more girls, so the girls were like "no lor...this is a typical girl rm" haha...
and when grace and i walked the 3 boys to take the MRT and the bus, henry decided to walk me and grace back to our hse after we walked him to the bus stop. get it? so it was like a walk for nothing? coz we walked him there and he walked us back...and when he saw shi min sent grace and me an sms thanking us for today, he sent us one each too thanking me for the lemon barley i gave him at my hse..link?haha madness!
oh yea, and after they went home, i decided to watch a sad show "A WALK TO REMEMBER" and i cried my heard out. to think wing yan, pt and carine are still askin me to watch Korean drama. i think i will cry myself blind. i scared tml i will do PW with them halfway den start crying suddenly. yea..sorta did that after i watch ROMEO AND JULIET and they will think i am crazy. sigh.
k. my eyes is gonna POP soon. good bye! luv ya loads 0626! luv ya loads IJ pals!

CHRIS DAUGHTRY was booted out from American Idol. america is blind. i feel like being a politician and go up to the stage and say: "america, the world has died coz YOU voted for TAYLOR in the competition instead of CHRIS. mourn america for the world is blind" . but that wud prob make into the top of the top crappiest politician speech. so maybe George Bush shud say on behalf of me..hee..oOpS..shall stop being political if not i will have to register my blog as well..

wheeee....drama night is finally over. all the pple who viewed it were like saying we can get "gold and above" for SYF..my gawd...if that is true...WHOA!!!!!!!!! yesss man...i guess i still cannot slip away from drama coz we have a LOT of work to prepare for SYF partly coz the t-shirts are stained with blood and hence we hafta go get another set of costumes for them.
today woke up at 4 am to start on GPP. realised that i didn't receive the P.I. peng tian sent me. sigh. waited from 4.....to ......7 am. den he woke up and sent me again.
i got a feeling that i am really overloaded myself with too many things. first is the drama that is taking up like 1/2 of my life. den with the 1/2 i have left, i have skool so that is half of the 1/2. den the 1/8, i haf to do my PW, study, revise, sleep, eat, shit, and wad else..
teenagers tend to complain that their parents dun understand wad they want exactly. all the crap abt parents making money, giving materialistic stuff only when they require attention too. and here my parents are like at home, waiting for me to come home to spend time with them but i always come home arnd 12 am. i feel digusted with myself.
they even took off juz to see my drama play. vanessa u noe u suck don't u?
and i hardly tok to my frenz animore. not becoz i dun want to. but i dun have time. coz if i tok to my frenz, something have to stall and it is always wanted in the next 5 min or so. and someone will blame me for it. esp. if it is drama. i mean the teachers are nice and all and the seniors are nice but sometimes went things are like rushing...everyone seem to get so stressed up and they will look for the ICs to vent it out. and i am one of the ICs. k. actually, to be fair, my frenz get a fair share of it too. but of coz there will always be some who will always remain nice.
k...i vent out wadeva i am feeling oredy. i feel betta. juz wanna say a big big thank you to all my frenz and family for being there for me..ya..

time now is 1:01am acc to my monitor clock...there is
Maths test
GP test
Physics test
today in juz a few hours time. nothing is checked in my homework checklist. i juz got home from drama. from 1 pm to 10 pm. drama for today is oso starting at 1 pm but ending at twelve. same for the day after today juz that maybe the starting time is at 10 am in the morning. i am so screwed. i need to study but it is one in the morning and i have been sleeping for <4 hrs everyday.
so..nightmare. dun dream. live it.

*~vanessa~* OUT!

some people say that before u enter JC, the life u are living is like the “earthly heaven” den, when u enter the JC, u get a free sneak preview of the “earthly hell”. and after that, need I still elaborate? I think after reflectin back, I guess there is an element of truth in this saying. yeapz..in less than 5 months, I guess I have seen enuff of some things to make me speechless, angered, hurt, revulsion. but now I noe, there is more. There is always more. And the most challenging thing is that some of ur closest buddies have ventured to other JCs leaving u with few to consult. In my case, I guess I am left with one. Actually, no matter where you go, there will always be politics. Juz that some places are more evident of its presence than others. I think I shud count myself lucky for my class is actually rather caring and nice. So maybe I have not even seen the total sneak preview of politics in JC. Lol. Oh dear…
with the upcoming election 2006, the country is buzzing more abt politics. Heard that the opposition is contesting for 47 seats this round, causing PM Lee to publicly appeal to the mass to vote for them or something like that…actually, I saw some of the candidates on channel 5 the other time. I kinda like one of the female candidates from the PAP side. I think her name is..errrm…umm…tum di da ti tum…nvm. I will rap-a-tap-tap my brain for the name again. aniwaez, her speakin in so darn solid la..sigh..speaking of solid speeches, my GP tutorial was a total bum yesterday. I think I juz embarrassed myself totally la. wadeva. was suppose to do a discussion on “integrity” and due to my laziness, nvr prepare, den have to crap up some things last min. oh manz. But my GP tutor is SO gorgeous la..i feel so weird w/o marianne or chua to tok abt this kinda cheeko-pek stuff. haha..oh wellz. yesterday the boys were saying that grace and I are les. cause we stick to each other constantly. I guess that is how the world evolves. if u stick to close to someone, if it is a boy, u two are a couple; if it is a girl, you are les. I guess that sounds loads betta than being called boy crazy. So I will accept that. hmmmz..feelin sad for grace. I think she rather remain on the pH 7 scale. haha. btw, juz a tot: so if u are constanly arnd boy and girl, are u bisexual? Oh..or iz that consider friendly now? haha.

*OH YES! THE POLITICIAN NAME IS GRACE FU! yes!

haha...its seems that my classmates are starting to visit my blog too. haha. ok ...i betta link the rest of the people to my links first if not tt audrey will nag again. hahaz

~*vanessa*~

yes! it is friday! i noe it will be gone in a flash but i am still glad that it is friday. today, drama did not end at 10pm as planned. we ended as early as 6:45 pm. it is good too since i am so tired i can hardly think straight. right. and also, for once, i dun hafta gulp down jars of coffee to stay awake as i rush thru my last min hw after coming home from drama. tonight, i will sleep after typin finish this entry.
i guess this is the first time i feel that i manage to bond with the girls in the classes i have been. during the first three months, although girls formed majority amonst the class, i stuck to grace solely and vice versa. recently, someone even commented that we WERE anti social. but things have changed! the evolution has taken place. the DOT-KA DOT gang is in full domination. yea! wooooooo! haha...lurve my class loads!
our class is having the angel and mortal game. hmm...well..cannot tok much abt my mortal in case he chance upon this blog. oOpS! and he will noe..but i think i am gonna need to do serious brainstorming to figure out wad am i gonna buy for him!! argh! give wad to a boy? a boy like him? wad will he want? shall ask my godbro or my cousin to go out with me one day.
sigh..see la..one god bro married then only got one to consult...lolz..

also, i got my grp allocation for the pw. can say that i am rather elated with my members. yeapz. definitely looking forward to conquer this together with them. haha...however, all the grps in our class have 5 members and we are the only grp with 4 members. lucky all are competent members. i dare say all are worriers..haha..oh dear...we are the gan cheong grp. btw, there is 3 girls and 1 boy (who is our CT rep) ahaha..we juz told him today that he is our jie mei. haha..he looked totally tortured and bummed out..haha..but as u can see, he is slowly accepting the reality. oOpS!
to add on, my ct rep suffered a relapse on his illness today..juz before his tournament. saw him being supported out of the canteen. he looked quite bad. felt worried for him ..think i will go ask how is he...told u..my grp is all the gan cheong king and queens
well, today is rather an eventful day considering drama and voting elections for councils all happened today. aniwaez, b4 i end off, juz a food for tot: during GP tutorial, i notice all the articles i read, i find the last sentences of each article rather amusin. isit becoz it is really amusing? or is it that i am juz happy to read finish the article? lolz

People are talking, talking 'bout people
I hear them whisper, you won't believe it
They think we're lovers, kept under covers
I just ignore it, but they keep saying
We laugh just a little too loud
We stand just a little too close
We stare just a little too long
Maybe they're seeing something we dont, Darlin.

Lets give them something to talk about
Lets give them something to talk about
Lets give them something to talk about
How about love, love, love, love?

I feel so foolish, I never noticed
You'd act so nervous,
Could you be falling for me?
It took a rumor to make me wonder
Now I'm convinced I'm going under
Thinking 'bout you every day
Dreaming 'bout you every night
Hoping that you feel the same way
Now that we know it, lets really show it, Darlin.

Lets give them something to talk about
A little mystery to figure out
Lets give them something to talk about
How about love, love, love, love? (x2)

oh manz..juz reached home from drama and am super super tired. today was really a "shop till we drop" day as we rummage through piles of vintage cloths in bugis, browse through rows and rows of shophouses, travelled from serangoon to bugis, from bugis to kovan, in search of the perfect outfits for the cast. sigh. someone mentioned to me today, (to selfishly put it), she dun even noe why i am putting so much effort to do this when no one will even find out that i helped to make these outfits perfect. and whether it is ugly or not, i am not the one wearing it anyways. lol. BUT to me, along with selfishness comes irresponsibility; along with generousity comes pride and perfection. hence i chose the unselfish path not becoz i am generous, but becoz i want to be deemed perfect.
besides shopping for the clothings today, i came home with a bunch of receipts in hand, waiting for me to sort them out and start doin the accounting. as i type this entry, the receipts still laying quietly and patiently for me to tackle them later. ugh. screwed. i hate accounting. i juz tried awhile and realised i am in debt of $1.10 which flew to i dunno where.. got an earful from my ever-so-perfect-in-accounting daddy on how money is such an impt issue. "wads the point of having a special bag to place the money when u will lose it anyways? u are sooooo lucky that this is only a small amt lost. some people can even lose up to hundreds. take this as a lesson for you"
right. sigh. well..at least he meant well..hee..he paid the $1.10 for me in the end.
being the in-charge of one of drama's department is so stressful. but i wud say it is accomplishing though. however, it drains all ur energy away from u. so much that u dun even have much time for leisure unless u choose to chuck drama aside. chua has been constantly asking me to go out with her sometime around this week or next but i simply cannot find a time to spare with drama meetings three to four times a week. i feel darn shitty for not seeing her for sooo long..and being in the crew, u have to be on the go on when u need to get the set done, wad u need to prepare, wad plot have they decided to change, how are they gonna change it, are the characters still the same etc. and u have to plan accordingly. if u miss the meeting, then high chance u wun noe wad to expect next meeting. yupz. and i heard next friday, drama crew is gonna stay in school till 10pm at night. siaoz. so ya chua..i am so so so so sorry. i will try to see when i am free and so on and will let u noe k? sorry sorry. miss ya loads too..
the worst thing of all i guess is that my drama performance falls on the bday of my ah-ma. however, i need to be there with the drama crew. so tongues will wag. things will spread and without asking, i noe exactly wad is said...my ahma will prob think i have absolutely no respect for her and for chinese new year next year, i will prob receive $1 red packet from her. haha..ok..maybe fifty cents...no? ok..ten cents
sigh. i am so tired now but i still need to stuggle with my PI and my accounts. dun even noe why i am wasting my time to write this entry. cranky behaviour. k. gonna start work. gonna get another cup of coffee (the 4th of the day). gonna get four hrs of sleep only. yippee...

*yawns* sigh so tired. for the past few days, actually for this whole week, i have been sleeping past 12 midnight for wadeva reasons i am still tryin to figure out. hmmz...aniwaez, yesterday i met up with my ex-tuition fren who is currently now in AJC studyin. watched a movie called INSIDE MAN..by judie foster and that densel washington guy. *thumbs up* its not bad at all! in fact i kinda enjoyed the movie. quite chim though at some point but overall, its money well spent. actually i have to admit that the older generation of HOLLYWOOD actors and actress do act a lot betta as compared to the current batch of green horns. or maybe its becoz all the gd gd producers and directors only get them to act..haha. aniwaez, i won't complain. coz i cannot act.
speaking of which, NYJC drama club is putting up a act at LT4 on the 5th and 6th of may. it is open to everyone from other JCs and Sec skool and Pri skool and Kindergarten skool and Uni as well. and the working world of coz. tickets are priced at $8 so if any of u guys wanna come..call me k? haha...chua alr. said she is gonna come..hope she dun change her mind halfway.
hmmz..as u can see, i have added this entry only for the sake of adding coz my hand is itchin to type. so i am squeezing out as many brain juice as possible to keep me typing continuously. hmm...wad else to tok? oh yeah...today is one of my classmates' bdae. so happy bday to xiu xuan. i doubt she will ever read this msg aniwaez, so i think i can safely tell u guys that there is a surprise for her tonight. coz we are gonna meet for dinner to celebrate with her. but she doesn't noe. she thinks it is only with a few of her close buds. hee. actually, i think surprises for bdae are reallu nice. i mean nice surprises though. yeaz. but i notice that the past few times whenever someone attempts to plan a surprise for me, i hafta spoil it by finding out...unintentionally..then i hafta act surprise. haha...
k i going for lunch now. bye!

out of the blue yesterday, i went to delete 2 of my recent entries coz i felt stupid writing those entries. i oso dunno why i feel that way but it suddenly hit me. yeaps. two nights ago, i had a dream that it was kai ling b'dae. and i forgot. or i didn't noe. but i was at this building that vaguely resemble the IJ skool and chua was walking with anisha..rmb anisha? pri 5 and 6 that girl that went cedar..yea and they apparently was going to look for kai ling to celebrate her b'dae. and when i ask wad day it was, chua apparently had the day written in green chinese words "SUNDAY" slightly below her neck region and she showed me the day... then the next thing i knew, i was being chased by chua, anisha, kai ling and many more..coz i was running home to find kai ling's present...
i dunno wad kind of dream is that..but i noe that this means kai ling's b'dae is coming soon.
kai ling are u honoured?! i dreamt of ur b'dae.
*~vanessa~*

hey everyone..its been a hectic week for me these few days coz my grandma went on holiday and the cooking is sorta left to the maid. so mom and i need to go marketing as well. apart from that, there are also the OGL activities that has been keeping me back from doing wad i want and suppose to do and i feel really bad. anywaez, saw fiona the other day at the church during the eleven o clock service. haha. she overslept. i guess God knew i really missed her a lot. haha. so destiny and fate planned a surprise for me to see her in church as she usually attends the nine o clock service.
btw, saw the class i was in charge of for the O2 orientation. oh manz..gosh! weren't the boys RUDE! yes...R-U-D-E! how rude i will not care to explain but lets juz say two of the boys alr. hit off the wrong note with me. and my another OGL. boy...they are gonna get it tough from both of us..lol
aniwaez, i hope all my friends are havin a blast in their individual skools ya? charmaine? kai ling? hopefully chua? iz everything getting along well for u? hee..

PS: marianne..stop calling me that name will u? i hate it and its really really horrid. juz once and for all CUT IT OUT. juz stop it.

right now, i am in the midst of typing out a horrid encounter i had durin the march hols with kai ling ...i mean not not of kai ling..but errr...how to put it..like she and i had met the horrid encounter while we were out..decided not to type out in case the person will chance upon my blog or something since he/she got my full name.
but at the same time, i have this itch to update the blog yet that incident dominate the 90% of my life..ok.. here goes nothin.
u noe, sometimes when u have nothin to write yet want to write something, u wud start to reflect and topics i tend to reflect majorly evolves arnd my friends. i think that this whole blog is mainly read by my IJ friends and maybe a few of the new frenz in NYJC but that is like 1% population. or perhaps there is like this person who is constantly peeking into my entry to see if there is any update abt her juz becoz she caught me mentioning once abt her. no..not u charmaine.shan't tease u any longer...THAT PERSON SHUD NOE WHO IS SHE...
well..i haven't got a chance to ask anyone if they actually found a few frenz they can hit off in their JC apart from the IJ peeps. well, i have. i mean, of coz it ain't gonna be that tight of a bonding like the IJ people...eg chua (6 yrs of friendship)..eg charmaine (10 yrs of friendship)..kai ling (4 yrs of friendship)..marianne (4 yrs of friendship)..min ser (10 yrs of frienship)..grace (4 yrs of friendship) ..but considering we can actually hit off like in a few mnths, i guess it is really more than i can ask for. at first, i had one other fren like that too, yun qian, but now that she has left to go poly, i am left with this special friend of mine. special coz it is not everytime u get a friend u can sit for hours and talk to her..ok..mostly comprises of suaning...but wadeva. oh yeah, and in the incident tt i mentioned at the top, she did help me alot too coz i was really worried at that point in time when i was suppose to meet that person and she had been there with me. actually, i didn't ask her to accompany me. i juz happened to bump into her on my way there. i suppose this is wad pple call fate betw. friends. and she stopped wadeva she was doing to help me. which was fabulous her. yea. thanks alot to u reading.
haha...i figured that pple who aren't aware of wad happened to me and kai ling will be clueless abt wad happened to me..but no matter, the entries of the incident will be published the min. all this is over. juz need to get over it first. yeapz. but if u wanna noe real bad..haha juz ask me or kai ling..haha

dear diary,
today i got to experience the wonders of friendship again. you know, in life, sometimes u will have turns of up and down tide in emotions esp. settling down in new skool, environment etc and today i guess was the sudden turn of the downside. i guess is that i feel that i am slightly being distanced away from one good friend of mine. i dun really noe how to explain this tot and probably u may think i am being paranoid of sumpthin like that but i suppose sometimes, no matter how close frenz are, u will need to sometimes shun away from that person jux so to have some breathing space for urself. and i respect that, coz sometimes i do have this need too. what more is that this friendship perhaps has not gotten to that stage where u are really ready to be with that fren for tt long a period of time. so u can prob. say that our closeness exceeds the capability of friendship. and that is not a sin either. jux that, perhaps it is regret i feel that our friendship has not advanced to that stage.
so as that friend have chosen to go along with another of our friend, i decided to carry on with my OGL duties and that was when i bump into one friend i have managed to meet in NYJC. she managed to brighten up my whole day, i can proudly say that and i am actually quite grateful to her coz she was there for me. yes, i admit we aren't that close and perhaps are only normal friends but i guess that is the miracle of friendship. u dun have to be a super close friend to cheer a friend up. it all comes from within. needless to say, my day was perfect after that. and it got betta...:)
dear diary, i think it is little incidents like this that remind us constantly that not only close friendships are actually worth cherishing. even ok-ok friends must be cherished. coz u dunno when u will need them. or when they will need u. and who knows? this ok-ok friend may juz step up one level in to a good friend.