“Except for you”
She promised a few friends of mine that after she got this problem sorted out, the answer would be on her blog. She dunno exactly how much courage she have to put this letter up, but if anyone else is reading this now, it means the valor within her has finally risen.
At first, she tot it was going to be easy, juz writing out exactly what she is feeling at this point in time, at this moment. But she realized that such emotions weren’t exactly all that effortless to be phrased out in words after all. Maybe that’s the reason why so many people can say the words “I hate” but not the words “I love” and she is sure, many wud agree that unrequited love is even more tedious to spell it out.
She doesn’t deny; She isn’t only irritated, but she is also pissed off, indignant and betrayed by what she presumed ought to be her own stupidity. Yet she has never wanted to admit it. That it was her stupidity that caused all this mess. She chooses to live in her world of denial. The world that wud tell her, console her and envelop her with the falsehood that it is you who caused her this misery. Not herself.
Your words still ring in her head, all the time, esp. the words “except for you”. The irony of it all was that you didn’t say it to her. No. You said it to her friend. But she got to know it nonetheless and whenever the pain is overwhelming, she stubbornly chooses not to cry, but instead bury herself in her self-found truckload of work to do. She asked herself, what has become of her? The one who seeks to find the adrenaline rush of life? The one whom everyone knew as the girl with a goal, an ambition, and a drive in life? All of that, during that past months, has decomposed into this sloppy, dazed and silly girl with life-compass gone haywire. And because she is able to wear a mask to fool the world perfectly, no one knows the real depth of her true problems. Not even those she confided in.
But she cannot fool herself.
This morning she woke up with a new fiery within her. The fiery that she lost a few months back. She knew it was time to move on. She cannot keep wallowing in her misery and gloom. She was to take control of her life once again. A lot of things were waiting for her to be done. And so many people were awaiting her call to carry on with the stuff appointed to them to do. Yet, she had selfishly put all of these on hold because of her confused moments. You should be proud of yourself to be able to cause her to create havoc in her life. Seldom does she allow people to do that. She suppose she may never know if that was a real liking for you or perhaps a moment of folly, because if it was any real liking, the determination to get over you wudnt be so fast. And to choose to think of it as a moment of fetish or mania, cud be due to the pride soul within her. But nonetheless, she has fallen and she is rising. And most importantly, no one, no one will stop her now.
Being the strong believer that she is in star signs, her horoscope says for tomorrow,
Sunday, October 08, 2006
If you've been off doing your own thing lately, you might find yourself starting to experience a little self-doubt right now. You may be questioning whether or not you're on the right path, but it's probably too late to change direction. So just remember to keep your head pointed forward and do what you know is right.
She knew there and then, so long as she followed her mind, things would only get better and better. And with her friends, she will succeed.
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