its tough to be in a race when all you ever see is others' behind;


but with an unexpected encouragement of a good friend,



i will win the race.




i will thank you,




when i finish the race with a smile,



just to let you know that you made a difference in my life;


'cos you were there when i needed it the most.

hai..i have no idea why am i ...
1) blogging so early in the morning
2) blogging when i have absolutely nothing to blog abt
3) determined to make my blog senseless as usual.
perhaps its just the gloomy weather and the lack of sleep and the stupid flying ant attempting to get warmth from my study lamp. ugh. i have a huge urge to swap it away..that is, if i werent so scared of it to begin with.
nvm abt those i guess...i am off to have breakfast.

~toodles~

oh my..its been so long a time since i last blogged that i almost forgot the main webby addy for my blog! yikes! hai..for those who encountered to same memory failing as me, well, just to help out a lil, the addy is:

www.blogger.com (not that anyone but me will forget).

hee.

anw, so many have happened since i last blog till now yet i only can write so little..maybe i will update more another time ba..cos i think i myself wanna record down the every itsy bitsy detail that happened on my birthday... ummm...and teachers' day...and many more. yep.

random post, i guess, this is. haha.. take care.

i've been listening to this particular song for the past 2 days continuously. seems that apparently, this song does have a therapeutic effect on me and my life. its like after listening to the song, i don't feel so guilt stricken about my actions, depressed over my feelings, troubled and affected by my current problem anymore. sometimes, i find myself even foolishly trying to attempt real hard in finding that inner voice the song is talking abt.

perhaps its due to desperation (you may say), but sometimes, i feel like i really do feel something. something within me that is telling me to stay strong because that person within me understands what i am going through - the pain and that feeling that i dont even have any idea what is it. the feeling that stifles and cuts right through you, that leaves you crying on the outside and bleeding on the inside. yet this person has the ability to tell you with an assurance that you can pull through, even if it is by means of crawling, she will make sure you leave this situation unharmed.

she forces you to grit your teeth and increases your pride to stop that flow of tears that is so threatening to drop. a friend told me today, "if a friend judges you base on your actions, that is not a true friend." if its so, then this voice should be a very true friend because she listens and understands, without judging, and sometimes, i dont even have to try so hard to explain things to her. cos she can read me. so i guess, i really can listen to her. and whats even better is that i wont go wrong.

thanks stinky winky, A, and C. i feel less suffocated now. -love-

"Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall"

Dearest Time,
recently, i feel that you have been accelerating past me and having fun at seeing me make mockery of myself being all flustered up because i simply cannot do things in time for its deadline anymore. i thought you were my friend. in the end, you turn out to be my foe. boo hoo hoo...
i know you really like christmas...in fact, i do too! however, in order to celebrate christmas (alive) this year, i have to overcome a certain obstacle called "A-levels". sounds weird huh? like why "A-levels"?? i wonder that too sometimes, myself. i mean, like, why not "U-levels" then everyone will be less stress when they speak of it. well, perhaps the whole definition lies in the name of the exam and sending the underlying meaning to all students that the aim is to score A. no less. sounds scary? yea...so you are slightly getting an idea of how dreadful life is gonna be for me, if you contd your wilful behaviour.
even government strongly advocates that SPEEDING KILLS. it doesnt mean you cant be seen, you will be fine. because i do believe that you have a conscience. so you will feel guilty because while you can NEVER die, a lot of people will be dying because of your reckless speeding. like me. so if you are still my friend, i sincerely implore that you slow down your pace and wait for me. and all my other friends. i am sure, they all will be uttermost grateful.
Thank you!

Love,
vanessa.

~*i truly think i have turned insane*~

this time, i truly believe that my brain has finally left me for Utopia le. there is so many things to do on my waiting list and yet, all i can think of doing rite now, is stone in front of the computer and BLOG. well done.
just finished some lesson and received 7 New Smses. from past experience, it normally cant be good unless its like one min more to your birthday or something. true enough, it was a msg sent by audrey to ask us to get our work done asap before mr low sends us an one way ticket to the gas chamber. subsequent msgs werent good either, but subjected to discretion.
so, who am i? i am vanessa. who is vanessa? vanessa is a mean girl with a sadistic nature at heart. to torture the hearts and soul of her classmates further, she decides to sent a msg to her classmates, reminding them that there is a 3 HOURS lesson for econs tml and the incredible amt of stuff they are req'd to bring. vanessa, do you really wish not to have any friends anymore?
sigh. but its my duty to do that. and i will take pride in my responsibility...i suppose. :/
anw, the brain can be dead, but my heart is not. (yes...its slowly returning back to me.) and the heart will not stop beating due to the warmth of a beloved friend. yep.

* TODAY IS GRACE BIRTHDAY! *

*

* THREE CHEERS! *

* *

anw, i really really hope she will have a fun day today admist the stupid piles of work we have to do. like, be really optimistic and see the faint (really faint) silver lining in the (super, very) dark cloud. aye...hope she doesnt check her friendster too often today..hee...made this entry green since its her day and this is her fav. colour =)

okay. ta ta pple..i am going off. suffering from a dreadful headache..somehow i think it will be worse tml. great. see ya all.

oh my...this is such a disturbing day...yea...i realise that its only 27 mins into the 11th july but my fingers are already itching to blog due to the overload of mishaps that happened ytd and probably soon to come today. nonetheless, i shant dwell too much on that.

just tot if neetha ever reads this msg, i have chanced upon the website you told me to le and i think my mind is entertaining a lot of freaky wild thoughts...hai...its really hard to look at such a website without feeling anything y'know...and it makes me wonder if anyone feels the same way and finds out about me, will my blog be viewed with the same emotions as what i am feeling now...oh deary...this is really 'weary wreckening'...hai...

suddenly, i understand how grace feels. i totally understand. and the feeling is yuck yuck.

oh my...i just watched finish Prison Break. once again, i am in awe at the story plot as well as Wentworth Miller aka Micheal Scofield. haha. i really dunno if i should be happier or more upset that i just found out that there is gonna be Prison Break season 3. haha. that means i will probably spend my entire life chasing after Prison Break seasons. haha. normally, i really do not have such stamina to chase after such shows, esp when i know that america is chasing altogether a season ahead of singapore. it's like, it's so sad that i can be here angsting about why Scofield got injured and caught again, when america is probably rejoicing his union with Sarah again. hai.

Nuts About DONUTS!

ooo...mid years are finally escaping my life for a temporary short period of time, that is, till i receive the papers back again...WITH MARKS. ugh. haha..but so far, i guess i can still afford to live on the cheap thrills of life and find interesting, happy, queer, crazy things to blog about. yeapz.
grace, kai ling and me went to queue for DONUTS today at raffles city, donut factory. yeapz yeapz. nearly went berserk waiting for our turn to order. ahha...in the end, we spent a full 2 hrs queuing for those precious yummy donuts. thankfully, there were close friends to talk to and there was just so many things to chat up about since we were in different JCs...i mean not me and grace but us and kai ling. haha..once again, i found some cheap thrill in gossiping and the time flew by. the good thing about queuing with friends is that the pain of waiting is greatly reduced and when you wish to have an occasional walk about the place, you may do so. hee hee...found myself doing that about twice. heh.
anyways, grace bought six donuts for dinner! and kai ling bought twelve! not very sure where they went to enjoy those yummy food as i promised my mummy to meet her at her workplace. i bought twelve donuts for my family and me.
LOOK!

haha...glad they made the favourite flavours of each of my family members, from my mum to my maid so everyone was happy. whee...haha..my legs are aching so much from the standing..hoho...

i think it's super horrid to have myself manisfesting such thoughts at this time of the year. i hope it's just due to stress. but i cannot help wondering if these thoughts are actually logical. it seems that more and more people have been telling me that i ought to have taken literature as one of my subj. combi. rather than the current combi. i am taking. these people vary from friends to relatives to teachers and comments vary from the most subtle, "hmm...have you considered taking lit? are you fond of it?", to the most queer "you have a face of a literature student" (my only 2 qns that were floating in my mind were: 1) what defines the features of a literature student? 2) are literature students pretty? LOL.) and to the most blatant "aiya! what's wrong with you lei...you should have just taken lit. man!"

although i admit that i indeed do have a passion for that topic, instilled in me by my sec. school lit. teacher, mrs maglow, however, it would be rather illogical to take up a subject in which you feel, would not have any impact or rather, assistance in your future career. i mean, i am not intending to take up journalism or destroy the teaching world by being a lit teacher or something irrational as that. and besides, currently i am thinking of the job as a speech therapist.

so is it like a situation where i am making the correct decision, but it's not the decision i want? hence i feel that it's wrong, but think it is right?? like y'know, erm, going with your head and not with your heart?

it's awful to live in such a pragmatic world. passion and interest are always secondary to rationalism, because like everyone says,

"it's not the passion that fills your stomach but the logic to find food to fill it."

okays, i came up with this quote. lol. so it's not everyone that says it. its only me. but i think my quote generally summarise what everyone arnd me is telling me. to be honest, it seems so absurd that a few years back, in IJ, i ever felt that taking up lit was the worst option i could make. and now, it's ironically the worst regret for not taking it up in JC. sigh. i wish someone can tell me exactly what to do.

i discovered something abt me over this past hectic month. i cannot take stress. alone. i mean, if someone were to accompany me and go through the same ordeal with me, like during PW, where i had carine, wing yan and pt, i didnt feel as stress as i would feel sitting for exams like now. haha. izit very bad?? and somehow, i seem to be more composed embarking on projects that are very behind time rather than studying for exams which i am very well far behind of schedules. is everyone like that or izit just me??

oh dear...

queer 'lil me

perhaps, one day, if my passion is still so strong for the subj, i may just take it up as an interest subj. for fun. afterall, when you learn something for interest sake, you tend to have more fun, ironically learn more and learn better.

i like this quote. heard it in one of the shows i happen to watch by chance during lunch at home. dun really know the title but Pierce Brosnan was acting. ooo...he looks so handsome still...haha. i always find him the better James Bond than the current guy (although i am not particularly a die-hard fan of James Bond movies). even my mom thinks so, hence she went to buy ALL of his James Bond movies, perhaps to test the boundaries of my dad's raging jealousy. haha. jk jk.

anyway, before i forget, here is the quote:

"justice and the law are two entirely different things"

okays! ending off.

vanessa out! -woots-

.
.
.

this is my life.

^^^^^^^^^^ ---------------....................________________________

this is a complain entry. so if you are already in a deep trance from the late nights and mugging, you may leave this blog instantly cos i dun think you wish to hear any of the stuff i am gonna rant here, right now, in my blog.

the days are slowly seeping by and i am so bored cos i have alr. done all that i need to do for the coming mid years. yeap. tys, notes, other school's paper, etc, i have all done them...twice i think...sigh..

*wakes up from dreamland*

RAH!!!!

the days are speeding by so quickly and i haven even touched CHEM. sigh. i really dunno what am i doing, updating my blog for i have really nothing pleasant to update. just some random rants and chants and madness (basically). hai..i am so gonna receive the death penalty from mr low. great. after all these GP essays i spent writing on how we shud keep death penalty because of its utility to the society, i am gonna get my just deserts for advocating such punishment. and the punishment is death. yippee!

i wish i can find a universal remote control. if there is, i will look for the button that says "disappear". when i find it, the remote control will be pointing towards me when i press that button..and zap! *poof!*...oOpS! i am gone. bye Earth. See ya in timbucktoo. whee! wait..that is still in Earth. hmm...see ya in venus then, girls!

haha...it feels so good to just do random writing. to be honest, i've done quite a few entries within this month but i didnt dare to post. dun ask me why. its just paranoia on how people will view me. and how these people may accidentally carry on their views to others and then cause you to view me in the same way as well. or maybe you happen to pop by this blog by chance perhaps?

haha...yes yes...vanessa, stop dreaming and just post this entry for goodness sake. no wonder your primary school teacher often says i talk like a grandmother - often beating around the bush. this blog will not be seen by anyone else except for the few good friends who know the very existence of this place.

okie...i think i am going a lil loopy alr..

time to take my medicine.

hmm..i wonder how is drama now??

bye!

Sir Lionell Meets Up Tomorrow

my LTC group has been planning to meet up for eons and i suppose finally, we are gonna see each other again tml arnd city hall. not feeling too good but since everyone is gonna show up to open the plates, i had better go or else i wudnt noe when i can open my plate le. haha. yeapz. oh! for those who aint sure wads the plates abt, its sumthing our facils have tot up on the finale nite of our LTC (leadership training camp). so every member in my group has a plate and other members have written their comments about in the plate. however, you aint allowed to read ANY of it till the next group meeting. now, here is the tricky part. EVERYONE has to be present to open the plates tgt or we cannot open it. yeapz. so i had better go! haha...its quite a cute way to make sure our group stays bonded yea? haha..
maybe tml can take more pictures...ooo...piss everyone off with me and my camera. haha.

man...i am SUPER beat! spent the whole day in school doing SGC and maths. just made it on time to send in the SGC for wing yan and me. yeapz. we were doing it tgt and haha...it was soooo rushed for her la cos she only started today. but nonetheless, WE MADE IT! yeapz. just felt like telling the world that. haha. take care and bye!

The past 2 entries have all been muttering more on the issues and happenings of drama club. Well, since good things come in 3-es, this entry will still, fortunately (or unfortunately) be yakking about the bustling activities of drama.
Elections are just over and we got our newly elected ex-co members!! Yay!! While there is still a part of me that misses drama very much, it is still rather relieving to step down and give up your post to someone, perhaps, very much more worthy than you.
Anw, I will intro them sooner or later in some of the pictures I took tonight with them. Yep. Just came home from the Post Production Party at the Serangoon Central Country Club which Ms. Kwok’s parents have membership to. It was so fun to be surrounded with friends again. Perhaps that is the main reason why I felt so depressed when I had to give up my mid-summer’s night dream ticket to attend my grandma’s birthday party. Apart from the fact that I have looked forward for that play so long, at least I also know that I wun feel left out.
OKIE! Shant dwell on the depressing issues. Back to the topic..so I meet neetha at the serangoon mrt station to go to the club tgt. Ahaha…got a shock when we reached…LOOK!



*collapse in laughter* whee!! Haha! that is Nigel! Haha...carine, are you seeing this?! Haha...he is so adorable la..and you have to give him respect for it.. like how many boys are willing to do that and do it so well at the same time? Woots! Nigel rawks! Daringly took a picture with him...hee hee...
had loads of fun taking photos and watching videos made by the “making of Othello” people. we had so much to talk and laugh about. Went home arnd 11 plus. Well, just to share a few of the special pictures I took with everyone tonight

Photo of the Night



I truly, truly, deeply, really lurve this photo to bits and pieces. I mean, apart from the fact that we look okay in the photo, these are people that I have come to love and treasure in my life. For those who do not know, from left to right, that’s Mr. Chong, Ms Kwok, Vanessa (me), Neetha, Yu Zhen and Tina. All are people that have allowed me to stand strong during the production and do my job properly. Really treasure this special picture hence hope to share with you guys. =)

Some other photos include


The four of us are actually a few of the team who headed the Drama Night “Othello”. I suppose anyone who is close enough to me will know that the one on my left is Neetha. She is the sets manager. And the other girl next to me is Yu Zhen – the small props manager. As for the one on my farthest right, she is Anandhi – wardrobe mistress. Anandhi is the current vice-president of Drama Club. Really proud of her.

And of course, the one standing next to our vice president in this photo, is my dear successor, Hui ling!! She is your drama president 2007 – 2008. Took many of them tgt so that they can choose which one to put on our drama notice board. Haha.



other pictures include...



me with 2 of the boys from Big Props. They look as if I ill-treated them a lot. Sigh. But if you take a closer look at the rest of the photos they are in, like in the group photo (the last one of this entry) and the one below, you wud realize that they also look this way. Haha..i found out from one of them that its becoz they feel they look better when they dun smile. Haha. But they are all nice people.
































The night ended with a group photo. Its quite sad that the photo was taken quite late cos many of the drama people had alr gone home.



So it was quite a small bunch left and I realize the teachers are not in this shot. Haiz.

Its quite an exciting night that I cannot wait to post this entry straightaway after the event. Hope you like the photos..though I must say there are quite a lot of photos. Haha..knowing me, I will never pass a chance to take pictures of everyone =)

Take care!

Its rather unnerving that just a few weeks back, every single being in the entire drama club and literature cohort was bustling arnd, preparing for drama night and now, every thing just ended with the sudden *poof*..y’know, its like for so long, you have been in this stupid bubble, trying to break away and get outta it – yet when you really do, everything just seem so awkward and quiet. One thing for sure, I have no more reason to be falling asleep during class, and another is that people (esp my assist. Stage manager: yu zhen, and other drama J1s) no longer run faraway from you when they see you in school – in fear of you dumping them with more work to do or something. And most importantly, the entire whole, which includes my parents and teachers, expects me to get my life back on track in a blink – the moment Drama Night ended. I mean the fact that I have been behind schedule for a rather long period of time, doesn’t it make sense that I need a reasonable amount of time to get life back on track as well? You cannot possibly expect me to finish up every outstanding matter within the measly two days of the weekend yea? Haha…that being said, part of me is really glad that the entire production is over, yet there is this longing part of me that still reminisce those days where we stay in school tgt till past 11pm doing rehearsals as well as sleeping on the floors and chairs of the LT2 and rm 565 regardless of our personal hygiene.

Drama Night 2007, in my opinion, was a big accomplishment for me. being the stage manager, my director gave me the call as to
1) when to start the show
2) when to call for interval
3) what lightings I want for which scene
4) make sure everyone entered the right entrance at the right time
5) make sure everyone exited the right exit at the right time
6) gave the green light for latecomers to enter the LT
7) ..
8) ..
9) ..

Basically, if anything goes wrong, the head that will eventually roll is mine. Thankfully, nothing major error happened. Even more thankfully, none of my friends saw the unglam me that was running arnd during the play, scaring the entire population of the cast and crew who didn’t follow instructions and getting all stressed up and all madness inside of me. haha. oOpSs!

Thursday’s rehearsal and Friday’s official commencement Drama Night was very warmly received, mostly because it was attended by our teachers, NY students, NY parents, our dear friends and the admin staff. Few were the unknown outside school people...or shud I say none.

The more stressful plays, I would say for BOTH myself and the casts are the ones acted on Saturday afternoon and evening. These plays were attended by our drama seniors, members from the drama industry (thanks to the acquaintances with our director, Tina) and lit students and teachers from other schools. I did more rounds of supervision and we implemented stricter regulations for drama memb. to follow.

Very tiring. I even gave up halfway during the rounds of inspection and got yu zhen to take over me. such a deary..

Received many lovely flowers from the 0626 girls and boys, chua, kai ling, franson, zhi yang and the most touching was from the drama cast. Woots! Seriously, I thought that I was really gonna step down from drama without any friends at all cos basically the heads were all so strict with them...aww..and guess wad they said “thanks for pushing us to the best that we can achieve”. I suppose it is indeed a nicer way of saying “thanks for never giving us a break, you mean person!” ahaha…but yeap…really nice of them.

Drama production ended with me, neetha, zhi yang and franson going to serangoon central to pig out till 1am in the morning. I suppose it is only times like this that my parents will allow me out till so late. Took a cab back with all of them and had a peaceful sleep till 11am in the morning.

Neetha and I fell sick with stomach flu the next day.

Haha.

Before I end, wish to thank everyone personally so will be writing their names one by one. Here goes:
- carine (0626)
- grace (0626)
- peng tian (0626)
- Adeline (0626)
- Wing yan (0626)
- Cally (0626)
- Cheng en (0626)
- Cynthia (0626)
- Gerald (0626)
- Henry (0626)
- Shi yi (0626)
- Zuo sheng (0626)
- Melinda (0626)
- Xiu xuan (0626)
- Lewis (Sir Lionell)
- Eunice (Sir Lionell)
- Jin sheng (Sir Lionell)
- Chin ping (0626, Sir Lionell)
- Benjamin (Sir Lionell)
- Benjamin Tan (K.A.)
- Yvonne (K.A.)
- Gwen (K.A.)
- Marvin (K.A.)
- Franson (Drama Senior)
- zhi yang (Drama Senior)
- nytia (Drama Senior)
- Kelly (Drama Senior)
- Fatein (Drama Senior)
- Dorisa (Drama Senior)
- kai ling (IJ)
- chua (IJ)

Hi ancient blog for the longest time ever...even I think that I have been away from this place for a dramatically looonng time... *sweeps away dust and cobwebs*
Well, to some things all up in a statement, Othello (Drama Night 2007) is finally over, and so will my illness, which hopefully is on its way to speedy recovery.
Oh yes...did I mention, I got to skip skool for about 2 days because of my stomach flu. Missed my chem. Test as a result. The subsequent 2 tests – physics and maths werent done too well because I kept sleeping whenever I got home.
Sigh...just when I tot this week was gonna be a ‘chiong’ week for me to catch up all my tutorials and hw and studies, I had to fall sick. In the end, my week was wasted away talking to the sleeping god, gobbling down medicine, experiencing symptoms of stomach flu like diarrhea and vomiting and PLUS I was suffering from gastric. Yeapz. It made things worse.
Anw, will be updating my blog real soon (I promise) cos I cannot wait to update myself on my views of the Drama Night 2007 and the feedback and thoughts I got from both myself and my friends.
To all the people who came to watch the show out of pure passion for Shakespeare or simply to show your support towards me and my passion, I thank you for your presence and am greatly touched and honoured.
Will be thanking a Whole bunch of pple in my next entry as well so if you think you wanna be thanked, watch out for that next entry! Your name just might be there! Ahahah...might be only..whoops! if I leave out any names...remind me ba...

hey everyone...hope you like my new blogskin...haha...had a sudden fetish to change it...again! tc!

To be honest, I never expected myself to be sitting in front of the computer, bloggin as soon as I am now. However, life is full of surprises that will probably take you aback if you are not fully prepared for it. Something has cropped up in my life that forces me to feel most compelled to share this incident with everyone I know, that has proven to be not only abhorrent towards the opposite gender, but demeaning to the feminine role as well.
I was on my way back from dinner with my mother, at dhouby ghaut MRT station when loud shrieks and cries can be heard from a distance. As we approach closer to the entrance of the station, we witness a quarrel between an Indian couple occurring at the lower platform.
Apparently, the cries we’ve heard were from the lady, who was frantically trying to run after the man, supposedly her husband or boyfriend. However, whenever she attempts to hold onto him by his arm, he will shove her away and wrench her hand away from him. This went on for about a few minutes until about the fifth time when she tried to stop him in vain, he turned and using his leg, kick her relentlessly, like a beast, and used the plastic bag which he was holding onto to whack her twice on her head. Only then, did I see a few stationmasters coming forward to put a halt to this brutal attack by that monster.
To reenact such a disgusting episode is unnerving to my seething anger and revulsion, but it is truly a joke to see such a monstrous act being committed during this century, IN PUBLIC. Within a single act such as the above, he has proven himself to not only be uncivilized, uncouth, ungentlemanly, but an extremely unintelligent tyrant as well.
Firstly, he ought to be more attuned to his surroundings and realize that this is Singapore he is living in and worse, at a place where the professionals and highly educated workforce are overpopulated around him. With actions so barbaric as that, he has indirectly insulted the etiquette and propriety in which a proper civilized man strives to behave and agitated the pride of many intellectual women who so often strongly believes and advocate in the equality and fair treatment of both genders.
Also, The Women’s Charter in Singapore is a force to be reckoned with. He has just attacked a lady in front of many onlookers, making him the perpetrator and hence breaking one of the laws of the Act. As I was walking off to board the train from another line, I saw four police guards on duty walking towards the scene. I am assuming, should he get caught for this, chances are he wont escape from the Book as if the judicial system ever let him off, they are indirectly condoning his act and sending an evident message to all the males in Singapore that beating up a woman in public is justifiable and The Women’s Charter stands for zilch. In any case, since he was the one to open attack on the other party, be it man or woman, he has to get caught for assaulting another. bleaugh...dumb dumb dumb.
The irony of this whole situation we live in today is that women constantly advocate for equality among different genders yet so far, attacks and abuses I have witness in public, is caused by men towards women. What sort of equality is this? The most disheartening fact is the fact that during this whole assault, the lady never ran from the man or refuted back. Rather, she was cowering in fear, awaiting aid and the stationmasters and policemen who came to her rescue were all males. So what sort of justice are we, women, exactly calling out for then?
In situations like this, one would advice thou not to hang thy dirty linens in public. My advice to him, though it’s too late, is not to even think of hanging any dirty linens indoor, for in this century, nothing you do can actually be kept uncovered for long.

Goodness, I feel like my blog is anti-male alr. Perhaps the next time I look at my website, I will have many insults strewn in my direction because of my two cents worth. Haha.

Dearest blog,

I think both you and I know that it has been quite some time since Vanessa last updated her blog on wads going on in her life…truthfully. I was reading her past few entries and it seems as if she is always writing all the happy stuff in her life, omitting the dark and tragic parts. Sometimes, I wonder if she is really even happy at all when she writes about happy occasions. Sometimes, everything she writes seems so forced – like trying so desperately to cling onto the few glimmer of hopes, as if in fear that if she ever think or pen down her despondent memories and thoughts, her barely sufficient energy to carry on living life with each passing day will dissipate into the air instantaneously.

So today, I decided to just secretly follow her around, just for a day, to see, understand and report what is going on exactly in her life.

This day began for me around 6 am when 3 of her alarm clocks went off simultaneously. I am beginning to think that it is due to the lack of sleep that causes her not to hear the sole alarm clock she originally has. And it seems like the lesser she sleeps, the more alarm clocks she seems to be buying and using. However, when I finally dragged my lazy self out of my sleepiness, I realized that Vanessa was already sitting at her study desk, doing some last minute admin work for drama. I don’t think this is the first time I see her doing such stuff.

As the time draws nearer for her to meet her neighbour to head to school together, she shoved everything into the nearest file she can reach for and dashed out of the house.

Everything didn’t change much after that as Vanessa and her neighbor head to school and just when I thought there wasn’t anything to report, I witness three incidents that happened.

She was having trouble with her ankle today during P.E. If I recall correctly, Vanessa fell down the stairs the other day before P.E. and judging from the state at which she ran and did her standing broad jump, I don’t think it was recovering particularly fast. Results from many of her six stations deteriorated, mainly her 2.4km run, standing broad jump and shuttle run. Before she sprained her ankle, she was able to jump more than 170cm but now; she barely escaped through the minimum requirement. Pathetic. And her shuttle run only made it on the dot after 3 tries cause she couldn’t brake fast enough without hurting her ankle to reach for the shuttlecock. The most embarrassing thing (or so she thought) that happened was after her 2.4km run today. She had to be supported off to the resting place ‘cause her ankle decided to give her problem again. I dislike her ankle so. She ran within a timing of 14.50 mins and she was quite slow compared to the rest. Carine ran within the timing of 13.33 mins. Vanessa and her were joking about the numbers in the timing though I don’t know why. Anyways, Vanessa got silver. Bleaugh..

On the way home with two of Vanessa’s friends called Melinda and Chin Ping, they bumped into a few of their SC friends, mainly Ben, Angie and Lester at the nearby coffee shop. While Ben was reprimanding Vanessa about her accidentally tucked out shirt, without bothering to hear the fact that she dropped her safety pin without realizing it, her file accidentally touched a lady from the drink stall and the lady yelled at her in front of the entire coffee shop. She sarcastically commented that if Vanessa had used her eyes to watch where she was going and not to look at boys, she wouldn’t have been in this situation. I thought Vanessa would argue back the fact that the lady was being plain unreasonable, but to my surprise, Vanessa just walked away. She didn’t even look angry, irritated, annoyed or undignified by the entire humiliating event. In fact, she just walked away, indifferent and apathetically, with the woman behind yelling snide remarks at her continuously. In the end, it was her good friend, Melinda, who stood up for her. I believe Vanessa is VERY thankful to Melinda and although she didn’t say it, she is deeply touched. On a side note, I overheard Ben calling Vanessa as his buddy. I thought if he was Vanessa’s buddy, he should have bothered to understand Vanessa and hear her out before jumping to conclusions in front of other people. I mean, the last thing Vanessa would do was to look sloppy eh? But that is just my humble opinion. What does it matter anyway? Vanessa looks unbothered.

Didn’t managed to catch much of the conversation Vanessa and Chin Ping were talking at the bus-stop. If I remember correctly, Vanessa mentioned about her math tutor asking her if she was doing aiight in her studies. I think she doesn’t really need people to come question her on her current situation but rather leave it to her to handle her problems ‘cause she feels that such stuff, including academics, is really up to her to answer herself if she does badly or well. Nonetheless, she knows that the teacher means well for her. Unfortunately, she just needs to solve this, herself. If she needs help, she will naturally ask for it.

Chin Ping boarded the bus before her and she was left stoning for about 15 mins before her own bus came. She looked rather dazed at that point in time to me and boy! Wasn’t I right! Despite the fact that she had gotten her wallet ready to tap her ez-link card on the machine, when she boarded the bus, she simply went to sit down, totally forgetting to tap her card. The bus driver called her up in front of the entire bus, breaking her dazed mood and she realized her stupidity. Normally, I thought Vanessa would be in utter aghast when such incident happen. However, she went in front to pay for her trip, totally unperturbed. The only thing I heard her saying was “ sorry uncle…I forgot.”

Thank goodness before that, Vanessa’s daddy said he would meet her at the bus stop she was alighting at or I simply cannot foresee what further trouble she will land herself into.

The day has not ended and I have already so much stuff to write. If you guys noticed, I have decided to write events that I think Vanessa will be unhappy about since she will probably update you all what she is happy about in her entries. But perhaps I should say something that Vanessa would probably like me to say when finishing this entry: Please Read, If You Want To That Is, And Forget It. ‘Cause She Will Probably Find It Very Uncomfortable To Talk About It To You All, Unless You Are Her Close Friends.

Besides, this entry is only my own sole viewpoint. Vanessa may not feel like that in reality.

Signing off,

Vanessa’s Shadow