Dearest blog,

I think both you and I know that it has been quite some time since Vanessa last updated her blog on wads going on in her life…truthfully. I was reading her past few entries and it seems as if she is always writing all the happy stuff in her life, omitting the dark and tragic parts. Sometimes, I wonder if she is really even happy at all when she writes about happy occasions. Sometimes, everything she writes seems so forced – like trying so desperately to cling onto the few glimmer of hopes, as if in fear that if she ever think or pen down her despondent memories and thoughts, her barely sufficient energy to carry on living life with each passing day will dissipate into the air instantaneously.

So today, I decided to just secretly follow her around, just for a day, to see, understand and report what is going on exactly in her life.

This day began for me around 6 am when 3 of her alarm clocks went off simultaneously. I am beginning to think that it is due to the lack of sleep that causes her not to hear the sole alarm clock she originally has. And it seems like the lesser she sleeps, the more alarm clocks she seems to be buying and using. However, when I finally dragged my lazy self out of my sleepiness, I realized that Vanessa was already sitting at her study desk, doing some last minute admin work for drama. I don’t think this is the first time I see her doing such stuff.

As the time draws nearer for her to meet her neighbour to head to school together, she shoved everything into the nearest file she can reach for and dashed out of the house.

Everything didn’t change much after that as Vanessa and her neighbor head to school and just when I thought there wasn’t anything to report, I witness three incidents that happened.

She was having trouble with her ankle today during P.E. If I recall correctly, Vanessa fell down the stairs the other day before P.E. and judging from the state at which she ran and did her standing broad jump, I don’t think it was recovering particularly fast. Results from many of her six stations deteriorated, mainly her 2.4km run, standing broad jump and shuttle run. Before she sprained her ankle, she was able to jump more than 170cm but now; she barely escaped through the minimum requirement. Pathetic. And her shuttle run only made it on the dot after 3 tries cause she couldn’t brake fast enough without hurting her ankle to reach for the shuttlecock. The most embarrassing thing (or so she thought) that happened was after her 2.4km run today. She had to be supported off to the resting place ‘cause her ankle decided to give her problem again. I dislike her ankle so. She ran within a timing of 14.50 mins and she was quite slow compared to the rest. Carine ran within the timing of 13.33 mins. Vanessa and her were joking about the numbers in the timing though I don’t know why. Anyways, Vanessa got silver. Bleaugh..

On the way home with two of Vanessa’s friends called Melinda and Chin Ping, they bumped into a few of their SC friends, mainly Ben, Angie and Lester at the nearby coffee shop. While Ben was reprimanding Vanessa about her accidentally tucked out shirt, without bothering to hear the fact that she dropped her safety pin without realizing it, her file accidentally touched a lady from the drink stall and the lady yelled at her in front of the entire coffee shop. She sarcastically commented that if Vanessa had used her eyes to watch where she was going and not to look at boys, she wouldn’t have been in this situation. I thought Vanessa would argue back the fact that the lady was being plain unreasonable, but to my surprise, Vanessa just walked away. She didn’t even look angry, irritated, annoyed or undignified by the entire humiliating event. In fact, she just walked away, indifferent and apathetically, with the woman behind yelling snide remarks at her continuously. In the end, it was her good friend, Melinda, who stood up for her. I believe Vanessa is VERY thankful to Melinda and although she didn’t say it, she is deeply touched. On a side note, I overheard Ben calling Vanessa as his buddy. I thought if he was Vanessa’s buddy, he should have bothered to understand Vanessa and hear her out before jumping to conclusions in front of other people. I mean, the last thing Vanessa would do was to look sloppy eh? But that is just my humble opinion. What does it matter anyway? Vanessa looks unbothered.

Didn’t managed to catch much of the conversation Vanessa and Chin Ping were talking at the bus-stop. If I remember correctly, Vanessa mentioned about her math tutor asking her if she was doing aiight in her studies. I think she doesn’t really need people to come question her on her current situation but rather leave it to her to handle her problems ‘cause she feels that such stuff, including academics, is really up to her to answer herself if she does badly or well. Nonetheless, she knows that the teacher means well for her. Unfortunately, she just needs to solve this, herself. If she needs help, she will naturally ask for it.

Chin Ping boarded the bus before her and she was left stoning for about 15 mins before her own bus came. She looked rather dazed at that point in time to me and boy! Wasn’t I right! Despite the fact that she had gotten her wallet ready to tap her ez-link card on the machine, when she boarded the bus, she simply went to sit down, totally forgetting to tap her card. The bus driver called her up in front of the entire bus, breaking her dazed mood and she realized her stupidity. Normally, I thought Vanessa would be in utter aghast when such incident happen. However, she went in front to pay for her trip, totally unperturbed. The only thing I heard her saying was “ sorry uncle…I forgot.”

Thank goodness before that, Vanessa’s daddy said he would meet her at the bus stop she was alighting at or I simply cannot foresee what further trouble she will land herself into.

The day has not ended and I have already so much stuff to write. If you guys noticed, I have decided to write events that I think Vanessa will be unhappy about since she will probably update you all what she is happy about in her entries. But perhaps I should say something that Vanessa would probably like me to say when finishing this entry: Please Read, If You Want To That Is, And Forget It. ‘Cause She Will Probably Find It Very Uncomfortable To Talk About It To You All, Unless You Are Her Close Friends.

Besides, this entry is only my own sole viewpoint. Vanessa may not feel like that in reality.

Signing off,

Vanessa’s Shadow