i think it's super horrid to have myself manisfesting such thoughts at this time of the year. i hope it's just due to stress. but i cannot help wondering if these thoughts are actually logical. it seems that more and more people have been telling me that i ought to have taken literature as one of my subj. combi. rather than the current combi. i am taking. these people vary from friends to relatives to teachers and comments vary from the most subtle, "hmm...have you considered taking lit? are you fond of it?", to the most queer "you have a face of a literature student" (my only 2 qns that were floating in my mind were: 1) what defines the features of a literature student? 2) are literature students pretty? LOL.) and to the most blatant "aiya! what's wrong with you lei...you should have just taken lit. man!"

although i admit that i indeed do have a passion for that topic, instilled in me by my sec. school lit. teacher, mrs maglow, however, it would be rather illogical to take up a subject in which you feel, would not have any impact or rather, assistance in your future career. i mean, i am not intending to take up journalism or destroy the teaching world by being a lit teacher or something irrational as that. and besides, currently i am thinking of the job as a speech therapist.

so is it like a situation where i am making the correct decision, but it's not the decision i want? hence i feel that it's wrong, but think it is right?? like y'know, erm, going with your head and not with your heart?

it's awful to live in such a pragmatic world. passion and interest are always secondary to rationalism, because like everyone says,

"it's not the passion that fills your stomach but the logic to find food to fill it."

okays, i came up with this quote. lol. so it's not everyone that says it. its only me. but i think my quote generally summarise what everyone arnd me is telling me. to be honest, it seems so absurd that a few years back, in IJ, i ever felt that taking up lit was the worst option i could make. and now, it's ironically the worst regret for not taking it up in JC. sigh. i wish someone can tell me exactly what to do.

i discovered something abt me over this past hectic month. i cannot take stress. alone. i mean, if someone were to accompany me and go through the same ordeal with me, like during PW, where i had carine, wing yan and pt, i didnt feel as stress as i would feel sitting for exams like now. haha. izit very bad?? and somehow, i seem to be more composed embarking on projects that are very behind time rather than studying for exams which i am very well far behind of schedules. is everyone like that or izit just me??

oh dear...

queer 'lil me

perhaps, one day, if my passion is still so strong for the subj, i may just take it up as an interest subj. for fun. afterall, when you learn something for interest sake, you tend to have more fun, ironically learn more and learn better.

i like this quote. heard it in one of the shows i happen to watch by chance during lunch at home. dun really know the title but Pierce Brosnan was acting. ooo...he looks so handsome still...haha. i always find him the better James Bond than the current guy (although i am not particularly a die-hard fan of James Bond movies). even my mom thinks so, hence she went to buy ALL of his James Bond movies, perhaps to test the boundaries of my dad's raging jealousy. haha. jk jk.

anyway, before i forget, here is the quote:

"justice and the law are two entirely different things"

okays! ending off.

vanessa out! -woots-