the weather is cold outside. and so am i inside. this place is becoming more and more eccentric and of large degree unfamiliar to me. no. its not me that is changing. i feel it in myself that i havent. its you. this used to be the place where i seek shelter and warmth from a difficult world out there. yet when i try to seek help from you, you said i have wasted your time. do you noe how deeply that word slashed into me? i wonder if i am altogether a waste as well?
now, i can only meekly hide myself in one dark pocket of this place. a place where strangers sees it as lovely, cute and sweet. it has to try to be. coz little do they noe that this is the only place i have left. where i can call my own. where i can be myself. but somehow, i feel you all will sooner or later intrude upon this sacred privacy of mine and leave me with nowhere to call my own.
i try really hard to achieve what you want me to be. but i cannot. i hold too many roles in a simple life to be what you want me to be. there is only one of me. yet two or more chores are always waiting impatiently for me to fulfill them. if i choose to do everything i am told by you two, i would be left, being called irresponsible by partners, being sniggered useless by strangers and being despised upon by myself.
have you ever wondered, if i were to ask you two to sacrifice your jobs to listen to what i want you two to do, would you ever? does that mean you are not good enough to be called as my own? does that mean i have the right to be nasty, to give a black face, a dirty look, or even threaten to call upon your bosses to complain and interrogate what is going on at your workplaces that you have to do OT every night?
if the ans is no, then please treat me as a human being. dun do this to me. its stifling and its suffocating.
however, should the ans be otherwise, i can simply say that i am not fit to be called your own. perhaps a waste you would say. leave me in pretence that i have alr. returned my life back to nature, and if possible, find someone that you deem fit to call your own.