almost three weeks has passed with me having the status as jobless. yet nothing seems to be done at home at all.

*looks arnd the messy room*

tsk tsk

there were so many things i had planned for myself to do and now, i think i haven even managed to acheive one task. *looks at the room one more time* sigh.

I started packing my room arnd the start of this week, throwing away stuff that has tortured me for two whole years - files, worksheets, papers, notes...y'know them all. and selecting a few stuff to torture me a little more for the years to come, like textbooks, guidebooks, assessment books etc. Since i hardly ever pack my room, even when its during Spring Cleaning, such packing and cleaning always make me feel like i have closed one more chapter in my life and and about to open another chapter.

well, my mom always says, you will come to a point in time, where you will wonder, what have you done with your life so far? what have you acheived? what have you done that is so meaning that when the day you meet GOD, you can proudly announce to Him all the wonderful things you have created and left behind on this earth? i suppose that is one of the reasons why she has turned very religious over the years, attending prayer groups, meditation, self prayer, church visiting, sunday masses.

To be honest, i cant say i have much to look back and if anyone says 19 years is a lot of time to look back, then, i cant say i have done very much either. I haven been very devoted to any particular religion, or been very involved in any religious gathering. I haven acheived much in neither my human wants or spiritual needs. The only thing, however, i feel satisfied with myself is that I have made it a point to follow my parents to pray for my ancestors when no one does. and since my chapters of life are determined by the major exams i went through, the one other thing i can proudly announce to GOD is that i have completed my A levels and O levels and PSLE, and still i have not decided to commit suicide like some of my other peers. i dunno why i feel that way but probably thats the way it is. even the two acheivements are so pathetic. they are like a suppose-to-be-done, nothing to be proud of things.

my original plan of this blog entry was to type out all the things i want to complete before my so-called other chapter of life begins. i dun even know why i typed or how i managed to type all this stuff out. i suppose, thats why people term me as dramatic ba. dun even know whether that is good or bad. perhaps its neutral. yet again, nothing is neutral. i always think that neutral is for those who doesnt want to voice out their opinions in fear of trouble or anger or those sorta things. C'mon. even water, from Mother Nature isnt neutral - how can we humans be?