almost three weeks has passed with me having the status as jobless. yet nothing seems to be done at home at all.
*looks arnd the messy room*
tsk tsk
there were so many things i had planned for myself to do and now, i think i haven even managed to acheive one task. *looks at the room one more time* sigh.
I started packing my room arnd the start of this week, throwing away stuff that has tortured me for two whole years - files, worksheets, papers, notes...y'know them all. and selecting a few stuff to torture me a little more for the years to come, like textbooks, guidebooks, assessment books etc. Since i hardly ever pack my room, even when its during Spring Cleaning, such packing and cleaning always make me feel like i have closed one more chapter in my life and and about to open another chapter.
well, my mom always says, you will come to a point in time, where you will wonder, what have you done with your life so far? what have you acheived? what have you done that is so meaning that when the day you meet GOD, you can proudly announce to Him all the wonderful things you have created and left behind on this earth? i suppose that is one of the reasons why she has turned very religious over the years, attending prayer groups, meditation, self prayer, church visiting, sunday masses.
To be honest, i cant say i have much to look back and if anyone says 19 years is a lot of time to look back, then, i cant say i have done very much either. I haven been very devoted to any particular religion, or been very involved in any religious gathering. I haven acheived much in neither my human wants or spiritual needs. The only thing, however, i feel satisfied with myself is that I have made it a point to follow my parents to pray for my ancestors when no one does. and since my chapters of life are determined by the major exams i went through, the one other thing i can proudly announce to GOD is that i have completed my A levels and O levels and PSLE, and still i have not decided to commit suicide like some of my other peers. i dunno why i feel that way but probably thats the way it is. even the two acheivements are so pathetic. they are like a suppose-to-be-done, nothing to be proud of things.
my original plan of this blog entry was to type out all the things i want to complete before my so-called other chapter of life begins. i dun even know why i typed or how i managed to type all this stuff out. i suppose, thats why people term me as dramatic ba. dun even know whether that is good or bad. perhaps its neutral. yet again, nothing is neutral. i always think that neutral is for those who doesnt want to voice out their opinions in fear of trouble or anger or those sorta things. C'mon. even water, from Mother Nature isnt neutral - how can we humans be?
Monday, June 23, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs.
Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse.
il bet thats how they get these stuff gg.
These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.
Continue this game by sending it to other people!
therefore, Vanessa was VICTIMISD by GRACE LEE! *WAILS*
Note to Grace: you are lucky i am jobless enough to humour you. hahahaha
1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
em...i will kill him. aiyo, sound so violent...must be more rationale. wait let me think. i will sit down and talk to him and make sure that i didnt assume something that didnt happen. then if he really did, i will errr....ask him why...then i will kill him. yeap.
*pleased with the "less violent" response*
2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
WORLD PEACE. lol. so cliche. Em, probably that every good and rationale dream can come true?
3. What will your dream wedding be like?
oh! that my best friends must be my bridesmaids even if they are married and uh...one of them must be my wedding host and uh...everyone HE (whomever) and i love must be there - if I dont like the person he loves, i have to compromise and invite as well and vice versa. i think there will definitely be a chinese tradional tea ceremony in the morning. it always happens. but i want a church wedding in the afternoon (cos my mum is a catholic and i think its romantic that for daughters to be walked down the aisle by their fathers) and a westernised yet oriental wedding at night (because i always like the fusion of these two extreme culture)? haha
4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
yes. very yes.
5. What is your ideal lover like?
*WHY DID GRACE PUT ME THROUGH THIS?* okie fine. is i choose to put myself through all this. uh...everything i look for. haha. that is so precise.
6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved by someone and loving back that same someone.
7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
i will wait until the day where someone else i have good feelings for tell me he loves me. i think.
8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
wait for him to break up? hahaha. uh...cry ba. then wait for him to break up. OMG...so mean. i dun like this qn. reveals the devil in me. muahahaha. no la. in the first place, if he is already attached, i wouldnt like him. so no answer.
9. Is being tagged fun?
yea sure! definitely =) *cross finger behind back*
10. How do you see yourself in ten years' time?
i will be 29 by den hor? on my way to achieve the peak of my career.
11. Who are currently the most important people to you?
People i love and care.
12. What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?
A person i care for.
But wants to torture me with this quiz. lol. jk jk. she is a person who love friends who like her as much as she loves them. she say herself de. lol.
13. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
I can't tell you that. Its a secret. lalalalala
14. What's the first thing you do every morning?
throw the pillow at whoever who woke me up.
15. Would you give it all in a relationship?
yea..unless its an absurd request. haha.
16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
the one that loves me more? i cant love two people at one go de la. its not possible. eye candy maybe ba.
17. What type of friends do you like?
people i can get along with, share my wavelength and can go crazy with.
18. What type of friends do you dislike?
those that do not bother to find out the truth about something and go round spreading bad words about others behind the person's back. its disgusting, disturbing and cowardly.
Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse.
il bet thats how they get these stuff gg.
These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.
Continue this game by sending it to other people!
therefore, Vanessa was VICTIMISD by GRACE LEE! *WAILS*
Note to Grace: you are lucky i am jobless enough to humour you. hahahaha
1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
em...i will kill him. aiyo, sound so violent...must be more rationale. wait let me think. i will sit down and talk to him and make sure that i didnt assume something that didnt happen. then if he really did, i will errr....ask him why...then i will kill him. yeap.
*pleased with the "less violent" response*
2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
WORLD PEACE. lol. so cliche. Em, probably that every good and rationale dream can come true?
3. What will your dream wedding be like?
oh! that my best friends must be my bridesmaids even if they are married and uh...one of them must be my wedding host and uh...everyone HE (whomever) and i love must be there - if I dont like the person he loves, i have to compromise and invite as well and vice versa. i think there will definitely be a chinese tradional tea ceremony in the morning. it always happens. but i want a church wedding in the afternoon (cos my mum is a catholic and i think its romantic that for daughters to be walked down the aisle by their fathers) and a westernised yet oriental wedding at night (because i always like the fusion of these two extreme culture)? haha
4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
yes. very yes.
5. What is your ideal lover like?
*WHY DID GRACE PUT ME THROUGH THIS?* okie fine. is i choose to put myself through all this. uh...everything i look for. haha. that is so precise.
6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved by someone and loving back that same someone.
7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
i will wait until the day where someone else i have good feelings for tell me he loves me. i think.
8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
wait for him to break up? hahaha. uh...cry ba. then wait for him to break up. OMG...so mean. i dun like this qn. reveals the devil in me. muahahaha. no la. in the first place, if he is already attached, i wouldnt like him. so no answer.
9. Is being tagged fun?
yea sure! definitely =) *cross finger behind back*
10. How do you see yourself in ten years' time?
i will be 29 by den hor? on my way to achieve the peak of my career.
11. Who are currently the most important people to you?
People i love and care.
12. What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?
A person i care for.
But wants to torture me with this quiz. lol. jk jk. she is a person who love friends who like her as much as she loves them. she say herself de. lol.
13. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
I can't tell you that. Its a secret. lalalalala
14. What's the first thing you do every morning?
throw the pillow at whoever who woke me up.
15. Would you give it all in a relationship?
yea..unless its an absurd request. haha.
16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
the one that loves me more? i cant love two people at one go de la. its not possible. eye candy maybe ba.
17. What type of friends do you like?
people i can get along with, share my wavelength and can go crazy with.
18. What type of friends do you dislike?
those that do not bother to find out the truth about something and go round spreading bad words about others behind the person's back. its disgusting, disturbing and cowardly.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
And so June 9th, 2008 quickly came and past before we know, and i am sitting here in front of my computer, yet again, jobless and bored. This 6 months experience at RBC DEXIA was not only an enriching experience for me, but a affirmation for me that i can fit into the working life and join new cliques and make new friends so long as i try hard enough and sincere enough. If even that doesnt work, they probably dont want to be friends with anyone anyway. and since that group of people will generally belong to the minority, life will still go on pretty much the same pace of excitement.
Charmaine has became one of my closest, if not, closest friend/colleague in RBC DEXIA, mainly because she is around my age so we hit off quite well, and that we are both insane creatures. went out quite a number of times with her and shared problems with each other. haha. our boss lay ling calls us the jie-meis cos we are the only two crazy teenagers who dared to wear flip-flops to work and exchanged one flip-flop with each other so that we are wearing two different striking colour flip-flops everywhere we went in the company. anw, we decided to reminsce the days back in our secondary school so we took one formal picture and one candid shot. lol.
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Charmaine will be studying in SIM too, although she is under RMIT university, whereas i am under University of London. Although she is taking a part-time course only, it's still comforting to know that someone you know is there with you too, if you know what i mean. =)
Me and Lena - can you tell she is 5 months preg? like OMG, i cant la, even when i am standing next to her! and more importantly, can you tell this is her secound one? she looks soooo young lor. Btw, she met her husband in secondary school. is that sweet or what?
Me and Alan
Me and Chris - super nice guy. one of the nicest to me during my first days in RBC too.
So! i was thinking, BEFORE i start to rant on about the melancholic stuff about leaving the company, i might as well rant on and on about that Alex i was talking to everyone about. no la..wun rant. but Yup. this is the super gorgeous caucasian i was talking to you about. haha not bad guy...glad to add him to my collection of international friends. =)
On my last day of work, the feeling i had while walking towards my building was a very special one as compared to the anxiety i always experience while dashing through the MRT underground, worried about being late for work. if you think about it, when else will you feel such agitation yet angst in the air except for the 8am hour rush? and when else will you feel such vibrance and life except for the 6pm hour rush? Such probably cant be experienced during, say, on a Sunday morning at Raffles MRT station at 8am, if you know what i mean. Its practically a ghostville. As such, the feeling that rushed over me on the morning of June 9th, 2008, was one of reluctance, nostalgia and appreciation. i took my time to walk past the underground tunnel, closely looking at the angry and annoyed faces casted at other commuters, as everyone expressed through the express lanes to work. a familiar yet hardly appreciated sight. Do not mistaken such scenarios as one you would see at the Great Singapore Sale because the feeling is different. The feeling at the GSS is one of fearless dashes made by aunties and teenagers that i would assume it is almost safe to compare them to 2 ah-sohs making the final dash for the last piece of fish at the fishmonger. The dashes made during the 8am rush hour was due to responsibility for work and fear for their rice bowls. To date, i can proudly proclaim that i have actively participated in both the former and the latter and have indeed emerged more dignified and superior from the latter.
As i finally made my way through the office door of the 28th level, i greeted my usual morning smiles to the receptionist and headed to my department. Nothing was out of the ordinary. Colleagues were still grumpy over their workloads and submitting to their fates while each colleague (the better ones, at least) try to cheer each other up with the nonsense they went through after work the day before.
Turning on my computer as i take out my usual piles of bank statements to solve and figure out, i thought to myself that this will probably be the last time i am handling this disgusting stack. yet, turning to look at the piles and files of bank statements' problems that i have managed to resolve after hours of OT and dashing from one department to the next, i feel a sense of forlorn that ultimately, this was my precious work and it was going to be handled over to another of my colleague - audrey, whom i have no doubt will do a more brilliant job than me. But still, it's my little production of accomplished work. Anw, this is cute lil audrey.
anyways, during lunch, my colleagues all bought me a forever friends bear (can see below) which you can tell i love it so. i felt very touched to be honest because regardless of the gift, at least i know i was appreciated and loved.
i made brownies for everyone! - or at least the people i were close to. ahaha. and as usual, i went round taking pictures with everyone and anyone that was still around at 6pm. as you can tell, i took quite a handful of pictures so can you tell how hardworking, we, the RBC DEXIANS, are? hahaha. not really. hahah. oOpS!
anw, this is my shi-fu who taught me to handle Barclays. She is called Lynn and if i ever mentioned to you before, i am doing the wedding montage for her, yup! this lady is tying the knot in September.
Charmaine has became one of my closest, if not, closest friend/colleague in RBC DEXIA, mainly because she is around my age so we hit off quite well, and that we are both insane creatures. went out quite a number of times with her and shared problems with each other. haha. our boss lay ling calls us the jie-meis cos we are the only two crazy teenagers who dared to wear flip-flops to work and exchanged one flip-flop with each other so that we are wearing two different striking colour flip-flops everywhere we went in the company. anw, we decided to reminsce the days back in our secondary school so we took one formal picture and one candid shot. lol.
.JPG)
Charmaine will be studying in SIM too, although she is under RMIT university, whereas i am under University of London. Although she is taking a part-time course only, it's still comforting to know that someone you know is there with you too, if you know what i mean. =)
This is my boss when she came on a Sunday to pack the office together with all of us. i didnt manage to take a picture with her on my last day because she fell sick. She prolly will kill me if she saw her picture on my blog - esp. this picture which she gave me specific warning over dinner NOT to let anyone see. heeeheee...but on the contrary, i think this picture is a perfect description of my boss to anyone who doesnt know her. she may not feel so but i think this picture shows exactly who she is - genuine, spontaneous, nice, sporting, helpful, modest and a very charming patient young lady. She gave me this gift as a farewell gift during my dinner with her.
didnt take a picture of what i gave her though. its something like a puzzle, that contains a handwritten message i wrote for her, that she has to fix together.
This is me with Chia Hui. also another girl from my department. haha. yup, my department is all girls so its super comfortable. Apparently, she is also a University of London grad so i have a lot of stuff to ask her about, esp regarding my course =)
Anw, these are all the people who are not in my department but i have come to know over these past 6 months. I grouped them according to the respective deparments for my convenience. haha.
The PRICING TEAM.
Me and Tze Hong
Me and Darren - He was introduced to me by Charmaine. he ALWAYS make fun of me de. haha. i think we never said a good word before to each other. haha. Something like Carine and Samuel kinda relationship ba.
The FA TEAM
Me and Lena - can you tell she is 5 months preg? like OMG, i cant la, even when i am standing next to her! and more importantly, can you tell this is her secound one? she looks soooo young lor. Btw, she met her husband in secondary school. is that sweet or what?
Me and Alan
Me and Chris - super nice guy. one of the nicest to me during my first days in RBC too.
Me and Shireen - i like this picture a lot. i think we look like jie-meis. lol. Bet you wudnt think she is already a mother eh?
Me and Jason - He was introduced to me by Charmaine also.
Me and Sharon
The CLIENT SERVICE TEAM
Me and Mandy - Those who has reached to this page, LUCKY YOU! One of the prettiest ladies in our office. This lady is from taiwan but speaks good English. I think she is GORGEOUS. but of course, i know her then i dare to take picture with her la. haha. Cheng, recognise her? keke. you are right, she is pretty.
THE DEALING TEAM
Me and Lilian - actually i wanted to take another picture with another girl called shu juan too!! She is also from this department and oso very pretty de. hehe..more imptly, she helped me a lot in terms of my work. but too bad, she was on MC =(
Anyways, this entry was a very personal and special entry for me. if you guys managed to read up to here, despite the length, thank you for reading what i have to say.
but for now, thats all i have to say anyways! ahaha.
Therefore, toodles!
Friday, June 13, 2008
mood: highly upset
my eyes are sore from crying. my documents and pictures have all been officially deleted by that man. he claims he never seen that folder before when it has been on the desktop since i got this computer.
daddy is nagging at me for not saving a copy of it in the thumbdrive. Question ought to be why didnt he tell me he was sending it for repair before he sent it for repair? i dont wanna argue with him because i am really upset this time. i think he can feel it especially when i am so quiet despite his nagging. its not like me to keep quiet anyways.
4 yrs of hard work in saving up all those pictures and memories, documents and works are all gone down the drain. and the irony of it all is that we paid more than $100 for their service to make me upset.
for those who needs to repair their computers, i cant suggest a good company for you to go to - but i can suggest a bad company for you NOT to go to.
my eyes are sore from crying. my documents and pictures have all been officially deleted by that man. he claims he never seen that folder before when it has been on the desktop since i got this computer.
daddy is nagging at me for not saving a copy of it in the thumbdrive. Question ought to be why didnt he tell me he was sending it for repair before he sent it for repair? i dont wanna argue with him because i am really upset this time. i think he can feel it especially when i am so quiet despite his nagging. its not like me to keep quiet anyways.
4 yrs of hard work in saving up all those pictures and memories, documents and works are all gone down the drain. and the irony of it all is that we paid more than $100 for their service to make me upset.
for those who needs to repair their computers, i cant suggest a good company for you to go to - but i can suggest a bad company for you NOT to go to.
this is the fourth consecutive day i have been on this earth without a job. it definitely feels weird that i am slacking around the house when i have been chiong-ing about work since the start of hols. well, i suppose it means its time to put down something and start something new altogether again. actually, to say that i have been moping about the house for the past few days is not exactly accurate either since i have been waking up at 7 in the morning and coming home around 12 plus for the past few jobless days. In fact, today is the only day i have managed to log on to the computer and snoop about its contents.
Recently, my computer has just received another attack on the virus. and this time, apparently, it was Microsoft Documents. queer rite? out of all the things, it has to be Microsoft and mind you, the Microsoft i am using is the original. so i wonder, is there really a difference using the pirated vers. and the original vers.? afterall, both are as vulnerable to viruses. disgusting. nonetheless, everything is still being stuck to the originals so any officials or authority reading this blog can chill.
as i was restoring all my games bought from Yahoo and PlayFirst back to my computer, i realise that my files are missing. yep. i have 2 folders listed as "autumn's documents" and "my work space" with important documents that i myself cannot emphasise on the importance of them all and they are missing. as i am typing this out, i am feeling extremely annoyed and disturbed by it all. i already called the guy but he said he will get back to me by late afternoon. right now, 2:30pm seems like late afternoon to me already. i am super impatient and anxious and worried. why? cos i am suppose to do a wedding montage for my colleague (for those who arent aware) and the photos are in the above two folders. as well as all my other pictures and documents along with it. please dun ask why didnt i save my stuff into the thumbdrive before i send the computer for fixing k? i didnt even know the CPU was gone till my dad told me so. sianz. and now, my dad's stuff is all in order and mine are ALL GONE! EVERYTHING. i dont see why he can do everything nicely for my dad and not for me.
i hope the words "i accidentally deleted them" do not appear in the conversation later with him. if everything can be solved with the word "accidentally", there wouldnt be a need for the word "negligence". i know i am being mean la. but i am really very anxious now. going out with wing yan later. maybe she can cool me down. yea. good idea.
i want some explanations now. *highly disturbed*
the lady i am doing the wedding montage for, will want some explanations too.
Recently, my computer has just received another attack on the virus. and this time, apparently, it was Microsoft Documents. queer rite? out of all the things, it has to be Microsoft and mind you, the Microsoft i am using is the original. so i wonder, is there really a difference using the pirated vers. and the original vers.? afterall, both are as vulnerable to viruses. disgusting. nonetheless, everything is still being stuck to the originals so any officials or authority reading this blog can chill.
as i was restoring all my games bought from Yahoo and PlayFirst back to my computer, i realise that my files are missing. yep. i have 2 folders listed as "autumn's documents" and "my work space" with important documents that i myself cannot emphasise on the importance of them all and they are missing. as i am typing this out, i am feeling extremely annoyed and disturbed by it all. i already called the guy but he said he will get back to me by late afternoon. right now, 2:30pm seems like late afternoon to me already. i am super impatient and anxious and worried. why? cos i am suppose to do a wedding montage for my colleague (for those who arent aware) and the photos are in the above two folders. as well as all my other pictures and documents along with it. please dun ask why didnt i save my stuff into the thumbdrive before i send the computer for fixing k? i didnt even know the CPU was gone till my dad told me so. sianz. and now, my dad's stuff is all in order and mine are ALL GONE! EVERYTHING. i dont see why he can do everything nicely for my dad and not for me.
i hope the words "i accidentally deleted them" do not appear in the conversation later with him. if everything can be solved with the word "accidentally", there wouldnt be a need for the word "negligence". i know i am being mean la. but i am really very anxious now. going out with wing yan later. maybe she can cool me down. yea. good idea.
i want some explanations now. *highly disturbed*
the lady i am doing the wedding montage for, will want some explanations too.
Saturday, June 07, 2008
On June 10, 2008, I will be officially jobless. I do not know if that is a good thing or a bad thing I mean, I have been working since the start of my holiday and unlike most, I have managed to get hold of a job that kept me for 6 months - my entire holiday. I still rememberthe first day of work at RBC Dexia. Seriously, I still cannot recall why I was so brave as to take up a job for such a long period of time,without a friend. Things started dreadful as they always do, I suppose,for my case. I had no company for lunch for the first few days and hadto eat alone or not eat at all.
After a few days, people started to get accustomed to seeing me in the office. Occasional nods or smiles would be cast in my direction when walking along the lobby or office and my department started to get closer to me. More work started piling in, harder each time, and more interaction with other departments as well. Amidst of all these mayhem, I even managed to become closer friends with my colleagues like Charmaine. I suppose if I really cannot bear leaving this place, it's because if all the relationships I have formed in this office as well as the experience I have gained from this company. Working in this company, I managed to gain much insights and understanding from the working world, some good, but mostly bad. But ultimately, if you enter the correct firm or department, meet the correct people and be yourself, you will be safe. Or maybe that is just my utopian view of everything.
After a few days, people started to get accustomed to seeing me in the office. Occasional nods or smiles would be cast in my direction when walking along the lobby or office and my department started to get closer to me. More work started piling in, harder each time, and more interaction with other departments as well. Amidst of all these mayhem, I even managed to become closer friends with my colleagues like Charmaine. I suppose if I really cannot bear leaving this place, it's because if all the relationships I have formed in this office as well as the experience I have gained from this company. Working in this company, I managed to gain much insights and understanding from the working world, some good, but mostly bad. But ultimately, if you enter the correct firm or department, meet the correct people and be yourself, you will be safe. Or maybe that is just my utopian view of everything.
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