i think it's super horrid to have myself manisfesting such thoughts at this time of the year. i hope it's just due to stress. but i cannot help wondering if these thoughts are actually logical. it seems that more and more people have been telling me that i ought to have taken literature as one of my subj. combi. rather than the current combi. i am taking. these people vary from friends to relatives to teachers and comments vary from the most subtle, "hmm...have you considered taking lit? are you fond of it?", to the most queer "you have a face of a literature student" (my only 2 qns that were floating in my mind were: 1) what defines the features of a literature student? 2) are literature students pretty? LOL.) and to the most blatant "aiya! what's wrong with you lei...you should have just taken lit. man!"

although i admit that i indeed do have a passion for that topic, instilled in me by my sec. school lit. teacher, mrs maglow, however, it would be rather illogical to take up a subject in which you feel, would not have any impact or rather, assistance in your future career. i mean, i am not intending to take up journalism or destroy the teaching world by being a lit teacher or something irrational as that. and besides, currently i am thinking of the job as a speech therapist.

so is it like a situation where i am making the correct decision, but it's not the decision i want? hence i feel that it's wrong, but think it is right?? like y'know, erm, going with your head and not with your heart?

it's awful to live in such a pragmatic world. passion and interest are always secondary to rationalism, because like everyone says,

"it's not the passion that fills your stomach but the logic to find food to fill it."

okays, i came up with this quote. lol. so it's not everyone that says it. its only me. but i think my quote generally summarise what everyone arnd me is telling me. to be honest, it seems so absurd that a few years back, in IJ, i ever felt that taking up lit was the worst option i could make. and now, it's ironically the worst regret for not taking it up in JC. sigh. i wish someone can tell me exactly what to do.

i discovered something abt me over this past hectic month. i cannot take stress. alone. i mean, if someone were to accompany me and go through the same ordeal with me, like during PW, where i had carine, wing yan and pt, i didnt feel as stress as i would feel sitting for exams like now. haha. izit very bad?? and somehow, i seem to be more composed embarking on projects that are very behind time rather than studying for exams which i am very well far behind of schedules. is everyone like that or izit just me??

oh dear...

queer 'lil me

perhaps, one day, if my passion is still so strong for the subj, i may just take it up as an interest subj. for fun. afterall, when you learn something for interest sake, you tend to have more fun, ironically learn more and learn better.

i like this quote. heard it in one of the shows i happen to watch by chance during lunch at home. dun really know the title but Pierce Brosnan was acting. ooo...he looks so handsome still...haha. i always find him the better James Bond than the current guy (although i am not particularly a die-hard fan of James Bond movies). even my mom thinks so, hence she went to buy ALL of his James Bond movies, perhaps to test the boundaries of my dad's raging jealousy. haha. jk jk.

anyway, before i forget, here is the quote:

"justice and the law are two entirely different things"

okays! ending off.

vanessa out! -woots-

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this is my life.

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this is a complain entry. so if you are already in a deep trance from the late nights and mugging, you may leave this blog instantly cos i dun think you wish to hear any of the stuff i am gonna rant here, right now, in my blog.

the days are slowly seeping by and i am so bored cos i have alr. done all that i need to do for the coming mid years. yeap. tys, notes, other school's paper, etc, i have all done them...twice i think...sigh..

*wakes up from dreamland*

RAH!!!!

the days are speeding by so quickly and i haven even touched CHEM. sigh. i really dunno what am i doing, updating my blog for i have really nothing pleasant to update. just some random rants and chants and madness (basically). hai..i am so gonna receive the death penalty from mr low. great. after all these GP essays i spent writing on how we shud keep death penalty because of its utility to the society, i am gonna get my just deserts for advocating such punishment. and the punishment is death. yippee!

i wish i can find a universal remote control. if there is, i will look for the button that says "disappear". when i find it, the remote control will be pointing towards me when i press that button..and zap! *poof!*...oOpS! i am gone. bye Earth. See ya in timbucktoo. whee! wait..that is still in Earth. hmm...see ya in venus then, girls!

haha...it feels so good to just do random writing. to be honest, i've done quite a few entries within this month but i didnt dare to post. dun ask me why. its just paranoia on how people will view me. and how these people may accidentally carry on their views to others and then cause you to view me in the same way as well. or maybe you happen to pop by this blog by chance perhaps?

haha...yes yes...vanessa, stop dreaming and just post this entry for goodness sake. no wonder your primary school teacher often says i talk like a grandmother - often beating around the bush. this blog will not be seen by anyone else except for the few good friends who know the very existence of this place.

okie...i think i am going a lil loopy alr..

time to take my medicine.

hmm..i wonder how is drama now??

bye!

Sir Lionell Meets Up Tomorrow

my LTC group has been planning to meet up for eons and i suppose finally, we are gonna see each other again tml arnd city hall. not feeling too good but since everyone is gonna show up to open the plates, i had better go or else i wudnt noe when i can open my plate le. haha. yeapz. oh! for those who aint sure wads the plates abt, its sumthing our facils have tot up on the finale nite of our LTC (leadership training camp). so every member in my group has a plate and other members have written their comments about in the plate. however, you aint allowed to read ANY of it till the next group meeting. now, here is the tricky part. EVERYONE has to be present to open the plates tgt or we cannot open it. yeapz. so i had better go! haha...its quite a cute way to make sure our group stays bonded yea? haha..
maybe tml can take more pictures...ooo...piss everyone off with me and my camera. haha.

man...i am SUPER beat! spent the whole day in school doing SGC and maths. just made it on time to send in the SGC for wing yan and me. yeapz. we were doing it tgt and haha...it was soooo rushed for her la cos she only started today. but nonetheless, WE MADE IT! yeapz. just felt like telling the world that. haha. take care and bye!