My aunt went over to Indonesia to visit her hubby, and left two cousins for us to babysit. I have babysat several cousins before, but none are as trying as these two pesks-from-inquisitive-kids-hell.
Both of them, Rachel and Esther, do not speak like normal human beings because instead of speaking, they actually communicate by asking questions. So, their every statement starts with "Is it.....?" or "Why....?".
Scenario #1 - Watching Survivor on Friday night. Cousins squabbled over which sofa to sit in before finally deciding to squash with me in a single-seated sofa.
Esther: Jie jie, what are they doing?
Me: They are having a competition.
Esther: Why are they eating leaves?
Me: Because they have nothing to eat. They are trapped on the island.
Esther: Why don't they bring some seeds to plant?
Me: Because they are not allowed to.
Esther: Why are they not allowed to?
Me: Because it is part of the game lor. (Losing patience)
Esther: Why is it part of the game?
Me: I don't know lah! Ask your mother!!!
Okie, see. After much experience, I have learnt that there are several ways to end such irritating conversations, and I found the generosity within me to share it with an audience to spare them from future such torture . The above - ASK YOUR MOTHER! - is one way.
Solution #1 - The "Because" Solution
This occured when I was telling them bedtime stories. The farm described in the story has a Mrs Cow, Mrs Goose and a Mrs Pig.
Rachel: Where is Mrs Dog?
Me: There is no Mrs Dog.
Rachel: Why is there no Mrs Dog?
Me: Because the story has no Mrs Dog what.
Rachel: Why the story didn't include Mrs Dog leh?
Me: Because because. Because because because.... (*Repeats infinity times, leaving them with no opportunity to interrupt*)
Solution #2 - A Taste of Your Own Medicine
Esther: Why did you say food that human eat is not good for hamsters, but you still give Cawa cornflake?
Me: I said some food that human eat are not suitable for hamsters, not all.
Esther: Then why cannot eat chocolate har?
Me: Because the hamsters cannot digest the chocolate, and they will die lor.
Esther: Why cannot digest leh?
Me: Why are you called Esther leh?
Esther: Huh! (Laughs) No, why cannot digest?
Me: Why? Why are you called Esther? Shouldn't you be called Cockroach?
Esther: NO!!!!!!!!! I am not cockroach. *Forgets previous questions*
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Ha, I digressed from my previous scenario to offer solutions. Here is another incident that almost caused my arteries to burst. Esther and Rachel are both at their most hyper-question-asking-mood during lunch.
Esther: Why is the hamster......?
.
.
.
.
.
Esther: Why is the ...? (1001st question)
I lost it and raised my voice.
Me: *BOOMS* OKIE THAT IS ENOUGH. WHO EVER ASKS ANOTHER QUESTION SLEEPS WITH BIG UNCLE (who is by the way how they address my dad) TONIGHT AND NOT WITH ME!
Both of them obediently became silent because none of them wanted to sleep with my mother or my father. Therefore, peace prevailed and they quietly pecked on their lunch.
After 5 peaceful minutes:
Me: Esther, do you want some more egg?
Rachel: Jie jie, I thought you said no more questions? How come you are asking my sister questions?
I choked on a rice grain for a full minute.
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Besides waking me up countless times during the night to tell me they are afriad of thunder, they are thirsty, they need the loo.. they are also effective alarm clocks. Except, I didn't set the alarms at all. My mum woke me up in the morning to move to another bed, since my dad and mum have awokened. I was grateful because I slept late previously at 3 am and needed a better bed, rather than being squashed up by the 2 cousins.
Alas, my blissful slumber was shaken awake by two eager beavers.
Esther: Jie jie. It is 825! Do you want to wake up?
Me: No no. I am very tired. I want to sleep some more.
Both: Ok!
Soon..
Esther: Jie jie! It is 845! Do you want to wake up?
Me: No no no no. I want to SLEEP SOME MORE!!!
Both: Ok!
ZZz..
Esther: Jie jie! It is 900! Do you want to wake up?!?!
Me: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Covers myself beneath blanket*
Esther: HUH!!!!!!! Then what time you want to wake up?
Me: 12 NOON!!!!!!
Zzzzz...
Esther: Jie jie! It is 915!!! Time to wake up.
Me: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then I realized I couldn't sleep already. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Who needs a perfectly good snooze alarm clock?! I can happily rent my cousins out.
I am so NOT READY for babysitting kids!! In fact, I think for couples who wish not to give birth, my two cousins must be the best birth-control pills man.
